Archive for September, 2012

Ode to Starbucks








Cappuccino, Frappuccino

Mochas and Chai Tea

All the glorious choices

Made special just for me.


Pumpkin spice latte

You’re autumn in a cup

White chocolate mocha

You always fill me up.


Only 500 calories

For sure ruined my diet

Oooh, new salted caramel

I just HAVE to try it.


When the people line up and I should leave

I always come back for more

Why can’t I quit you?

Starbucks, you’re such a whore!


5 dollars a pop

Makes me want to cry

Without this small addiction

Think of what I could buy.


Too many to choose from

Venti, Grande, Tall

Only one complaint-

Why can’t I just say ‘small’?

  • I turn down the radio when I go through the IPass lane (yes, even when I don’t have to stop for the barrier thing).
  • I have VERY vivid dreams and I remember almost all of them. Nothing like waking up after an inappropriate dream about an old teacher who you are not attracted to at all.
  • I wish I could go back in time and re-do high school and college knowing what I know now.
  • I wish I had more excuses to wear pencil skirts.
  • I regularly wonder how many of my Facebook ‘friends’ actively dislike me.
  • I like peanut butter and fried egg sandwiches. Really.
  • I often find myself driving in complete silence without even realizing it. No radio, etc. just lost in my own brain.
  • I have officially written 3 children’s books and have no idea what to do with them.
  • I love to write but am terrified of what people actually think of my writing.
  • If I am running and see a man, I run faster. It doesn’t matter if it is a 17 year old boy, an 80 year old man, or Justin Timberlake- I pick up the pace. Like I am impressing anyone with my 10 min mile!
  • I’m silly good at all bar/beer games and take great pleasure in beating people, especially men.
  • I cry at least 2x/week. I get really sad when I see sad things. I am almost incapable of processing sadness. I could never live in the city because I honestly cry when I see homeless people. I worry about whether they have mental health problems or families and I think about them in the winter and how desperate they must feel. Anyway, you get the point.
  • I am a bad listener. I like to talk too much, but I’m working on it.
  • I am a carb-o-holic. It has been 30 seconds since my last bread.
  • I have to put like 5 sugars in McDonald’s coffee for me to like it but I claim to really like coffee.
  • I kind of think I am sexy and I am genuinely mad at you if you disagree.
  • I am totally capable of parallel parking unless someone is watching me. Then I just want to sit in the street and cry.
  • I worry about my feet being stinky.
  • I have crazy random streams of consciousness. I can go from pre-school teachers to Quentin Tarrantino to Beer pong in 3 seconds flat. My husband cannot keep up.
  • I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
  • I hate that my husband thinks Taylor Swift is hot.

Are we too kid crazy?

This is a question that is on my mind often. Have our lives been taken over by our kids? Sometimes I almost feel like there is something wrong with me because I am not willing to sacrifice everything for my children. To answer this question, I think we need to ask ourselves:

Why do people have kids?

Do we have kids because society tells us to? I hope not. That’s a pretty big commitment for something that you don’t really want.

Do we have kids for the sake of the kids? No. The kids themselves don’t exist yet and are therefore no better or worse off if they were not conceived.

You could make the argument that you are doing it for society or for god, but we are so overpopulated as it is, that is not very likely.

No, most of us do it for ourselves. To make ourselves happy, to complete our lives. Pretty selfish, huh?

So why is it then that we forget about ourselves and our lives as soon as the kid is born?

It is our natural instinct to protect our children and keep them healthy. That is thousands of years of evolution. ‘Take care of your kid or he’ll get eaten by a saber-tooth tiger.’ There are obviously less threats to children these days (less wild animals, less plague) so we have replaced that worry with modern day anxiety. Are we doing what’s best for Hannah? Are we giving Julian every chance to succeed? “I better expose them to every possible activity and tell them to how great they are and put my life on hold.”

Back in caveman days, your job WAS to procreate. You were done after you created a couple viable off-spring. Mom no longer mattered after that.

Well, times they are a changin’!

My identity is not my career. My identity in not “mommy”. My identity is Candy. Yes, I have a career, and Yes, I have children. But that is not what defines me. That is not what makes me- me. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my children to death. You threaten my babies in anyway and I will come at you with all the crazy inside me. But, ‘Mom’ is not who I am.

As parents we make a lot of sacrifices for our children. My husband and I have to make decisions by prioritizing every day of our lives.

Preschool > Eating out

Mortgage > T-ball

Mommy’s wardrobe > Kid’s wardrobe

Mortgage > Mommy’s wardrobe

Now, I’m not saying I’ll let my kids go to school looking like scrubs or having them wear the same 2 t-shirts every other day. But, let’s be honest. Whose wardrobe is more important? Me- who works in a professional setting, or my son who plays in the dirt? I know so many moms that haven’t bought anything nice for themselves in so long because, “they only get stuff for the kids now”. I have a one year old, she doesn’t give a sh*t if she is in a onsie or a pretty dress.

What about exercise? You don’t have time to workout because your kids are involved in a different activity every night. Prioritize! Fat, tired, and neglected Mommy is not a happy Mommy. (See Mommy Martyr: )

So, back to my original question: Why did you have kids? To enhance YOUR life. I know that sounds selfish but it’s not. We have just been trained (brain washed) to think other wise.

Now this does not mean we don’t try to make our kids happy. But, what makes kids happy?

-Time with you

-Being loved

-Being well-adjusted (not spoiled)

-Having adequate social skills

-Being prepared for the future

Notice I did not say Disney World, Horseback riding lessons, and a fancy closet. Our kids value what we teach them to value. Sure everyone likes ‘stuff’, but we don’t need it. I truly believe there is an achievable happy medium:

-Adequate socialization through activities, but not so over-scheduled that everyone is stressed out.

-Enough stuff (toys, clothing, computer) but not so much stuff that they don’t appreciate what they have.

-They need to know that they are important, but that the world doesn’t start and stop at their convenience.

-They need to know that you will make sacrifices for them but that you will not lose yourself along the way. Remember, they will be parents some day too and they are learning from you.

-We need to tell them how wonderful and how loved they are, but we also need to keep them grounded. Not every kid can be the best at everything. Not everyone can win first prize. We need to make sure they don’t have a false sense of entitlement. Teach them how to have confidence despite their imperfections.

I don’t know if any of this will ever change. I don’t know if I’m wrong and actually am just selfish. But, this IS what I believe. We are kid-crazy, kid-centric, kid-blind. It is going to come back and bite us some day. I apologize for not knowing the source of this quote, but someone once said that “The greatest dis-service we could do for our children is to make their lives easy.”

Where are you on your priority list?


*On a side note, I say Mom/Mommy because it is easier than saying Mommy and Daddy every time. There are plenty of dedicated dads out there who go thru the same things. No offense meant.

Dear 5 Pounds From February,

I know that in February I told you it was time to go. And really, I meant it back then. I had made a promise to myself and to you that our relationship was over!

The first couple months of letting you go was definitely the hardest. There were so many temptations, but I stayed strong. I had summer coming. And, we all know what that means. I had bathing suits, summer dresses, and shorts to look forward to. Do you know how hard it is to wear shorts? I’m not going to lie, when people started telling me how different I looked, it made me happy. I felt good about myself and it was all because you were gone. I was just as convinced as ever that I made the right choice.

But, here I am again, back at your mercy. The weather is changing. Fall is in the air. Football started for christ’s sake! Sundays now consist of 10 straight hours of laying on my couch watching TV while eating wings, spinach dip, and drinking copious amounts of beer. Oh, the beer! There are so many flavors, one for every week: pumpkin, hoptoberfest, fat tire, and many more. I love them all. What’s a girl to do?

And, I  don’t need to worry about bathing suits and summer dresses. I can wear jeans, and sweaters, and scarves, and jackets. People might not even notice if we get back together.

What else can I say? I missed you. I miss your comfort in the coming cold months. Just picture us snuggling up on the couch together, reading a book by the fire, under our old favorite blanket (I still have it, you know the one). What do you think? Can you forgive me this one last time?

Thanks for your consideration,


PS- Thanks for not telling anyone that when I say ‘5’ pounds, I really mean ’10’.

PPS- February 2013… you’re gone! I mean it this time.

So, I have heard about people doing things like this but have never tried it myself. I decided to try it and see what happens. Although, I must say, I’m a little nervous!

Here’s what I want you to do:

In the comments below, I want you to leave a quick description and link to one of your favorite blog posts that you wrote.  (I.e. Here is a humorous post I wrote about turning 30….www.blahblah…..) This way, everyone that reads my blog will also be exposed to your work as well. I can’t promise it will be  a lot of people, or that they will click thru to yours but you never know. I personally am excited to read what you post and will ‘share’ as many as I can.

Here’s what I ask in return:

Please ‘share’ one of my posts on your Facebook page. If you are a follower you can pick one of your favorites. If you are a first timer, feel free to browse and hopefully you’ll read something you like. All I ask is that you don’t share THIS post because this is not a good representation of what I typically write.

I think one of the things we all have in common is that we want to expose what we write to more people. The more people who read what we write, the better chance we have of creating a following and potentially a career in writing. It’s certainly worth a try!