Okay, I know I changed the game a little. If you’re not familiar, you are supposed to get the names of 3 people and of that group you are supposed to decide who you would f*ck, marry, or kill. I wanted to try to keep this PG-13 so I changed F to hump and I don’t like even joking about killing people so I changed it to punch. I think punching someone in the face (or throat) would be way more satisfying anyway. Here is how I would rank our NFL QB’s.

Hump: Tom Brady- ‘No surprises here’ said every woman in America. I know, not very original, but what can I say? He is by far the most attractive out of the QBs. I just want to bite his manly square jaw. And then I could say that Gisele is my eskimo brother!

Marry: Peyton Manning- PM might be my soul mate (except for my wonderful husband who I love so much!). No one quite makes me laugh like Peyton does. If we were married we would make jokes about tapenade and tease little bro Eli, ‘two rings and still in our shadow, J/K Eli, we love you’. And we would create super NFL QB babies. I am athletic, come from a family with height, and have freakishly big hands! Something to think about Peyton….

Punch: Philip Rivers- This one might actually be a surprise for some of you. But if you’ve ever paid attention to Rivers during a game (or any other time) you know that he looks like a huge dick. He is always on the side lines pouting and yelling and making stupid faces. He is just asking to get punched. He is a huge doucher.

Hump: Aaron Rodgers- I would totally discount double hump Rodgers. He is a sexy little thing. Although I would rather hump the Rodgers from the 2011-2012 season.

Marry: Drew Brees- I think Brees would be a good provider. Pretty much everyone in the world likes him, he is definitely going to the hall of fame, and I would like to live in New Orleans.

Punch X3:

  • Michael Vick- no explanation needed
  • Ben Rothlisberger- again, no explanation needed.
  • Tim Tebow- So annoying! Keep it to yourself Tebow. Puke. And, it’s the NFL, you are going to have to be able to throw a football.

None of the above:

  • Jay Cutler- I just need Cutler to focus on winning games right now and I don’t want to distract him with my siren song. He should also focus on surviving the season without being killed by some defensive lineman.
  • Joe Flacco- He looks like a muppet and my husband is a Ravens fan, so I’ll leave him alone.
  • All first and second year QBs- I don’t have anything to say to you until year 4. If you are still good- we’ll talk.

I think that about sums it up. Sorry if you didn’t make the list, there is always next year. And, a special side note to Miles Austin…. You are not a QB, but I think we both know where you would be on my list. (Winky Face)