This weekend my husband and I were discussing how predictable I am when I am drinking. We were at a holiday party, but this could be weddings, birthdays, Tuesdays, etc. We were able to name quite a few behaviors that are pretty consistent. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure, here is a little peek into my world when I drink.vegas pic

1. I LOVE YOU! I do! I love you. I want to give you high-fives and hugs and we should totally hang out more often. Why DON’T we hang out more often? Everyone is my best friend and we have a lot to talk about.

2. I LOVE THIS SONG! I do! I love that song and I haven’t heard it in years and I know every word. And, not only do I know every word, I will rap along and would like for you to shut up and listen. You should be impressed with my white girl rapping skills and you should tell me about it. I pretty much like everything from Jethro Tull to Too Short and everything in between (Except Pink, I really don’t like Pink. Or, Kelly Clarkson. Or, Taylor Swift. But everything else is my favorite).

3. I am easily offended! Don’t get me wrong, I love you, but “what is that supposed to mean?!” I can easily take an innocent comment and turn it into some kind of insult. Here is an example (made up for storytelling purposes).

Me: (singing along to some amazing song that I haven’t heard in years)

Brent (my husband): I don’t think those are the right words.

Me: What? You don’t think I know the words to Candyman’s Knocking the Boots?! What are you trying to say? What? Do you think I’m too drunk? You’re the one that’s drunk! Oooh, boy I love you so. Never ever ever gonna let you go. Oooh, boy I love you so…..

4. I dance! Now, I take great pride in my drunk dancing. I do the typical drunk white girl dancing with the arms in the air, eyes closed, woohoo, etc. But, I also like to prove that I have non-white girl moves so I am also trying to drop it like it’s hot, and demonstrate that my hips (much like Shakira’s) don’t lie.

5. I will beat you at that game! I am serious. If it is a game that can be done while drinking, I will win. And, if by some miracle, I don’t win- I don’t love you anymore. It could be bean bags, beer pong, darts, quarters…..Hell, it could be throwing wads of paper into a bucket- I will beat you. I have like a 2-10 drink range where I excel. Before 2, I’m not loosened up yet. After 10, all bets are off: I’ll be playing darts, having 4 different conversations, oooh, I love this song! Seriously, why don’t we hang out more?