Here are some things that don’t exist but they should!santa cartoon

1. One Free Nap: can be used anytime, whether at home, work, or after sex- no questions asked. May be exchanged for sleeping in.

2. 10 Pounds Off: Redeemable at any fitness center or drug store. Only lasts 3 months, but requires no work.

3. Get-out-of-hangover-free card: Use wisely. You don’t want to waste this on a simple red wine head ache. You want to save this up for the night where you swear you are only going to have 3 drinks and you realize that you are F’d at 3 am after doing shots of jager like a college student (or so I’ve heard).

4. A perfect family photo: Any mom out there knows what I am talking about. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get 4 (+) people to look directly at a camera and smile?! And, when that happens, do you know how often the mom looks good? About 5%. I’m talking, this gift card is for: “Who are all of those gorgeous people posing with that super model?”

5. One ‘go back in time’ moment: This is only to be used for those times when you think to yourself “Ah! I should have said…..” It’s always 30 mins. later when you think of the perfect comeback/zinger/joke.

6. One ‘fix it’ card: This is good for one husband chore. It’s automatic, done in an hour, no whining, the right way.

7. One automatic argument victory card: No questions asked. You just win AND you get a legit apology from your spouse/GF/BF. And, I am not talking about a ‘I’m sorry you feel that way kind of apology’. A real one! Like: ‘I’m sorry. You’re smart, I am stupid. You’re beautiful, I am not attractive at all. You’re a goddess of perfection, I am just a lucky SOB that gets to sleep next to you.’

8. Well behaved children for 12 hours: Again, use this wisely. You may need to visit grandparents, maybe you’re traveling across country, or maybe you wasted your ‘hangover card’ too early and you had your cousins wedding last night and you drank red bull and vodka all night and at 3 am you were doing push ups… and, I mean, so I’ve heard.

 

Happy Holidays!!!! What do you wish you could get for Christmas?