Archive for January, 2013


Last night on Candysbrain blog facebook page, I posted a survey. I asked people to vote on the subject for my next blog. The choices were health and fitness, sex and relationships, family/mommy hood, or ‘other’. The winner was sex and relationships. I was trying to brainstorm a way to make this topic light and fun, so I thought I would develop a challenge for all you married folks out there (or long-term relationships). Sex should be fun and be frequent. And, we’re all grown-ups here, right?

kissing couple

Everyone always talks about how people who are married never have sex. And, if they do it’s because they are trying to get pregnant. Also, if we were all honest with ourselves, we are not having 50 shades sex with our husbands (btw, if you are- I did NOT know that about you! I’m shocked! And impressed!) This should be fun. Make your spouse read it too so everyone knows the rules.

Over the next week, here is your challenge:

  • Have sex at least 3 times
  • At least one time has to be between Monday and Thursday (can’t save it all up for the weekend)
  • At least one time has to be somewhere other than the bedroom
  • The woman has to initiate at least 2 of the encounters
  • At least 1 of the sessions has to happen before 2pm

So, get creative. Enjoy each other. We are so good at ‘playing’ with our kids and ‘playing’ with our friends, but are serious with our spouses. Your homework: Go play with each other.

Oh, and when you’re done- you should tell us all about it 😉

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Diets for the New Year

First of all, I apologize for being away so long. I have not had stupid internet service for almost a week. I didn’t think I was going to make it, but we survived and I’m back.

diet

 

With a new year upon us, we are all looking to improve ourselves. People all around you want to lose weight, exercise, quit smoking, be nicer to their parents, etc. Here is my contribution to your resolutions. These are diets designed specifically by yours truly to help you take off those extra pounds. I have developed a couple of different options so you can pick the one that suits you best.

1. The Eat At Home Diet: This one is so simple, the only thing you have to do is prepare every meal at home. Breakfast, you make at home before you leave! Lunch, you make at home and bring to work. Dinner, you prepare and eat at home. Simple as pie. (but no pie allowed) The catch is, making dinner at home does not mean you can make a frozen pizza. Nothing out of a box or plastic wrapping. You will save yourself hundreds of calories, grams of sugar, and mg. of sodium. Not only will you lose weight, you will be infinitely healthier.

2. The Facebook Diet: Imagine if you had to admit to the world everything that went in your mouth for the day. (well….almost everything, wink wink) If you had to admit that you need 5 sugars in your coffee, or if you had to tell everyone about the entire bag of doritos you ate in shame while watching the Biggest Loser, you would probably eat less. You would certainly think twice about that pint of Ben and Jerry’s you ate on Saturday night while watching Harry Met Sally for the 93rd time. Before something goes in your mouth, simply ask yourself, “would I want to post this for the world to see?”

3. The Nothing Changes Diet: When I say nothing changes, I am referring to your diet specifically. You’ve heard that doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insanity. Well, it’s true. But, if you are determined to keep eating the foods you eat, you will need to work out 8x more than you did last year. Can’t give up the junk? Fine. Just get an  amazing workout in everyday. You’ll never look like Jessica Biel without a healthy diet, but you will lose weight.

4. The Whiskey and No Dessert Diet: This diet was developed for those of you who eat out or go out all the time. It is hard to make the right choices while out and the calories can add up fast. From now on, when you are out, drink whiskey on the rocks and never order dessert. I know, whiskey?! But, do you know how fast margaritas, chocolate martinis, rum and cokes, etc add up? Really fast. If you dine out a lot, or party too much, you need to make changes. And dessert sucks any way. You don’t need it. No nutrition, all calories.

5. The Common Sense Diet: This might be the easiest of all. I have stolen these ideas from Jillian Michaels and Michael Pollan, but pretty much on this diet you eat FOOD. Actual food. Nothing created in a lab. Nothing with chemicals. Tell yourself, “If it doesn’t come out of the ground and it doesn’t have a mother, I am not eating it.” Cheetos and diet Coke don’t come from the ground, therefore they don’t go in your mouth. Don’t fool yourself either. You’ll think of breakfast cereal and say, well wheat and flour and …. come from the ground…False! Cheerios don’t grow out of the ground. They have to do a lot of work to turn those ingredients into cheerios. Also think ‘if there are more than 5 ingredients they are off limits’ and ‘if your great grandmother wouldn’t recognize it’ walk past it. “Eat food, mostly plants, not too much” (Get Food Rules by Michael Pollan and Mastering Your Metabolism by Jillian Michaels)

6. That Skinny Girl From Work Diet: We all have that one co-worker who is crazy fit and thin. You know who you are (Lisa). They can be a big inspiration for your diet. Before you eat anything, ask yourself “would that skinny b*tch from work eat this?” I say b*tch with love and jealousy, not with anger. I can tell you right now, she would not eat 7 pieces of pizza, or eat that candy bar, or drink that 20 oz mountain dew. That skinny girl at work has worked way too hard on her health to blow it over something as yucky as a mountain dew.

 

So there it is. Guaranteed to work or your money back!

 

What are your resolutions? What is your plan of action for 2013? Like ‘Candysbrain blog’ on Facebook to get more 2013 inspiration throughout the year.

So Much Firkin Fun!

Last night I had the pleasure of going out with some girl friends. We all left our children and husbands at home and went to our favorite local restaurant and bar: Firkin in downtown Libertyville. Firkin is my favorite place for the following reasons:

1. It is close, local, and not a chain.

2. The food is amazing! Last night I had a warm goat cheese in spicy tomato sauce, some delicious sausage, chicken liver mouse, and aged gouda. (Who am I, right?) Everything on the menu is delicious. Also try the lobster tacos, spicy pork tacos, the chicken schnitzel, and the smoked salmon panini.

3. They have the best beer in the area, by far! Now, I am a little bit of a beer whore because I think there are only 2 on the menu that I don’t love, but great selection of great beers. Matilda, Affligem Blond, Blanche de Chambly, Orrabelle, Left-Handed Milk Stout, Mama’s Little Yella Pils. It’s my heaven.

4. The atmosphere is awesome. It’s always got the coolest vibe and decor. The picture below is how it looks during the holiday season. Very few places are actually ‘cool’ like Firkin.

firkin pic

5. The name is really fun to say in a sentence. Like, Are you Firkin kidding me?! You look Firkin hot tonight! Let’s get Firkin drunk!

6. Lastly, the company. I was with some pretty amazing women who are a lot of fun. Brooke, Amber, Katie, Nicole, Kyla, and Jaime (Sorry I don’t have a picture of everyone). We had hilarious coversations over many drinks. We talked about how a couple of us were almost in tears while getting dressed because we didn’t fit in our clothes the way we wanted to. We talked about how all of our kids are amazing and probably gifted and adorable. We debated whether or not we should ask the bartender if we could touch his stomach. We didn’t end up asking him (or touching him), maybe next time.

me and middaybrooke and amberfirkin with money

Yesterday I pull into the grocery store parking lot and park next to this tiny little car. It looked like one of those cars that may have been fast like 12 years ago, but now it’s just a POS with a big spoiler. Inside the car is a guy in his late 20’s, smoking a cigarette, and wearing sweat pants (mind you, it’s about 2:30 in the afternoon). This guy is unshaven and easily 30 pounds over weight. Now, I doubt I would normally have ever even noticed this guy. I would have just breezed by. But, I couldn’t help but notice his bumper sticker: “No Fat Chicks”. What a douche! Looking back, I wish I would have taken a picture of him to show with this post, but hind sight is a mother…

Who does this guy think he is?! Now I am about to go off on a little rant here so bear with me. If you are a nice guy with realistic standards for women and have a healthy dose of self awareness, don’t worry- I’m not talking to you. On the other hand, if you are a single guy out there, over weight (yes, even that beer belly you’ve acquired since college that nobody is talking about),  and/or balding, but still manage to have expectations of what you need your girl to look like, here is your wake up call.

beer belly

Now don’t get me wrong, us ladies certainly like to look at the boys from magic mike and we drool over pro-football players, and we dream about the models in magazines. What we don’t do is expect our men to fit this image. That would be crazy! This is real life and people don’t often look like that. I mean… I do… but we’re not talking about me 🙂 . You are not going to find Jessica Biel. She dates rich guys with 6 packs. You are not going to find Erin Andrews. She dates rich guys with 6 packs who play pro sports.

Enough is enough. 99% of us don’t look amazing in a bikini. 99% of you don’t look amazing in briefs. Women now-a-days are expected to have boobs like Sophia Vergara, an ass like Kim Kardashian (btw, I kind of hope she gains 98 pounds), a face like Jessica Alba (I was going to say Scarlett but didn’t want to google how to spell her last name), clean like Martha Stewart, cook like Rachel Ray, and follow sports like Sage Steel (has to be made up name, right?).

Guys, you are lucky we even let you touch us. We are pretty, and soft, and we smell good. You are lucky we don’t just date each other. Get it together.

And for those of you like Mr. Trashtastic with the bumper sticker who feel the need to put other people down because they don’t fit your simple minded view of what is attractive, you can go f yourself. I know I sound angry…because I am angry! You should be too. This guy is insulting half the population from afar every day he is out on the road. People that struggle with their weight, who know exactly what they look like, and are minding their own business, stop at a red light and BAM! Insult. What a dick face.

Those of you that know me, know that I have a sense of humor. I find offensive things funny all the time. I am offensive a lot of the time! But if you are going to offend, you need to be funny. No Fat Chicks is not funny. It’s stupid, it’s cliche, it’s immature, and it’s obnoxious.

Men, you’ve been warned.