Yesterday I pull into the grocery store parking lot and park next to this tiny little car. It looked like one of those cars that may have been fast like 12 years ago, but now it’s just a POS with a big spoiler. Inside the car is a guy in his late 20’s, smoking a cigarette, and wearing sweat pants (mind you, it’s about 2:30 in the afternoon). This guy is unshaven and easily 30 pounds over weight. Now, I doubt I would normally have ever even noticed this guy. I would have just breezed by. But, I couldn’t help but notice his bumper sticker: “No Fat Chicks”. What a douche! Looking back, I wish I would have taken a picture of him to show with this post, but hind sight is a mother…

Who does this guy think he is?! Now I am about to go off on a little rant here so bear with me. If you are a nice guy with realistic standards for women and have a healthy dose of self awareness, don’t worry- I’m not talking to you. On the other hand, if you are a single guy out there, over weight (yes, even that beer belly you’ve acquired since college that nobody is talking about),  and/or balding, but still manage to have expectations of what you need your girl to look like, here is your wake up call.

beer belly

Now don’t get me wrong, us ladies certainly like to look at the boys from magic mike and we drool over pro-football players, and we dream about the models in magazines. What we don’t do is expect our men to fit this image. That would be crazy! This is real life and people don’t often look like that. I mean… I do… but we’re not talking about me 🙂 . You are not going to find Jessica Biel. She dates rich guys with 6 packs. You are not going to find Erin Andrews. She dates rich guys with 6 packs who play pro sports.

Enough is enough. 99% of us don’t look amazing in a bikini. 99% of you don’t look amazing in briefs. Women now-a-days are expected to have boobs like Sophia Vergara, an ass like Kim Kardashian (btw, I kind of hope she gains 98 pounds), a face like Jessica Alba (I was going to say Scarlett but didn’t want to google how to spell her last name), clean like Martha Stewart, cook like Rachel Ray, and follow sports like Sage Steel (has to be made up name, right?).

Guys, you are lucky we even let you touch us. We are pretty, and soft, and we smell good. You are lucky we don’t just date each other. Get it together.

And for those of you like Mr. Trashtastic with the bumper sticker who feel the need to put other people down because they don’t fit your simple minded view of what is attractive, you can go f yourself. I know I sound angry…because I am angry! You should be too. This guy is insulting half the population from afar every day he is out on the road. People that struggle with their weight, who know exactly what they look like, and are minding their own business, stop at a red light and BAM! Insult. What a dick face.

Those of you that know me, know that I have a sense of humor. I find offensive things funny all the time. I am offensive a lot of the time! But if you are going to offend, you need to be funny. No Fat Chicks is not funny. It’s stupid, it’s cliche, it’s immature, and it’s obnoxious.

Men, you’ve been warned.