LIKEFor some odd reason you never see the following as FB statuses:

1. I’m on the toilet right now reading thru all of your updates. I ‘liked’ that picture of your dog while pooping.

2. I chose to go to Burger King today instead of the gym. I’m either self-sabotaging or coming to grips with my mediocre body.

3. Wow that was some great loving last night! Thanks honey. with (insert tag here)…..

4. My kids really aren’t that cute and are of average intelligence.

5. Man, more drama in my life! Hmmm, I wonder if I am some how contributing to all the drama that seems to follow me around???

6. I’m not that good of a mom. I spend A LOT of time at the bar!

7. I secretly spy on you with (insert tag here). I want to see your boobs with (insert tag here). I actually hate you but remain your ‘friend’ because it is too entertaining to look away with (insert tag here).

8. How many times a week can you masterbate before it gets weird?

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