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Dear Dad at the grocery store,

Happy Columbus day! I am going to make a lot of assumptions in this letter because I don’t know your story, but I picked up a lot from eavesdropping on you and your…uh… energetic boys today at Jewel. I must say, I LOVE seeing men out with their children at the grocery store. You are all obviously capable, but this job is still done overwhelmingly by moms. The reason I love it is because I know that after you do it, you must appreciate your wife even more than you normally do. It is a thankless job for most mothers: managing the budget of how much you can spend, buying ‘healthy’ food that people are going to complain about, having to say ‘no’ over and over and over again down each aisle, getting stares from people that apparently have never been around children in their life and are probably wondering why they are always so damn loud….

Overall, though, I think you did a great job. Here were some of my favorite parts.


Dad: dang it guys, we just have to get through this and then I don’t care what you do for the rest of the day!


Boy 1: Dad, can we get this?! (holding up a box of some ridiculous cereal probably called ‘diabete-Os’)

Dad: No! Mom said we can’t get ANYTHING that is not on this list.


Boy 2: Hey, he hit me!

Dad: I couldn’t care less.


(out in the parking lost)

Dad: Stop being maniacs! I swear if you get hit by a car I’m going to keep walking.

End Scene

I guess I just wanted you to know that although the trip was rough on you, you made mine that much better. I also enjoyed seeing your appearance. You were not unlike a lot of moms I see at Target with their kids: messy hair, sweat pants, wild eyes, desperation seeping from your pores. Don’t worry, I am assuming it is back to work tomorrow for you and school for the boys. Your grocery shopping days are likely few and far between. Just remember that when your wife comes home from work- give her a big kiss and offer to rub her feet.