Category: Best of…

Some co-workers and I were talking about this the other day and laughing. A bunch of us just turned 30 and decided some changes have to be made at our advanced age. Here’s what I think:

1. You can no longer drink so much that you puke the next day! I will say this to myself over and over from now on when I go out on the weekends (which almost never happens anymore). We need to face facts. Long gone are the days where we can sleep til 12pm, get McDonalds for lunch, take a nap, and start all over again. I have found that my kids are just as energetic no matter how much I drank the night before.

2. You can not go to work hung over! This kind of goes along with the previous comment. There is no excuse for this. Thursdays are no longer an extension of the weekend. You’re a grown up and therefore the weekend starts after work on Friday. You get two days- that’s it. It sucks, I know.

3. Ladies: You can no longer where odd number clothing! Remember that store ‘5-7-9’? Yeah, you were 11. Those sizes are for teenagers, not for 30 year olds. If you have a pair of those in your closet and you are trying to diet your way to your skinny jeans, give it up. Women have hips, girls don’t. Deal with it.

4. Ladies: You can no longer pull off extreme low rise pants! I should never see the underwear of a 30+ year old woman hanging out the back of her pants. It shouldn’t happen with teenagers either but they are stupid and skinny so they can get away with it.

5. You can no longer avoid avoid warm ups/stretching for work outs! Remember the days where you could just jump into a pick up game WITHOUT getting sore? Kiss them good bye. It’s amazing how easily you can hurt yourself doing something you would never think twice about at 18. Take the 5 minutes to stretch, your old brittle muscles will thank you.

6. You can no longer under-appreciate your parents! If you have kids, you should know what I mean, but this goes for everyone. By now you should be mature enough to realize what your parents went thru to make a good life for you. They sacrificed a lot for you, they loved you more than you know, and raised you the best way they knew how. Call your mom.

7. You can no longer be an idiot on Facebook! You can’t spill your dirty laundry, you can’t talk shit about a friend, you can’t post inappropriate pictures, you can’t get way too personal! It makes the rest of us feel uncomfortable and we wish you would stop.

1. Jeeps with no doors: We get it! You are adventurous, you live on the wild side, you wave at other Jeep owners- amazing. How is it that I have to strap my children into the back seat until they’re 30 like we are about to travel thru a meteor shower, but you can drive in a car without doors?!?

2. Jared from Subway, Howie Mandel, and Sarah Palin: The first two I have no good reason to dislike. It’s a quality I can’t quite explain. The third one I don’t have the energy to explain. She bugs me on a level that few people in history have reached.

3. Vague, Whiny Facebook Posts: Oh, you’re bored? You had a bad day at work? Do you think your 465 FB friends need to hear that? And, what’s even worse than that is the posts like, “I can’t believe that just happened!” Or, “I got the worst news today!” If you are not going to explain what is going on, don’t post it! Don’t go fishing for concern on FB- it’s annoying. I know that sounds harsh and you might be thinking, “I don’t care about the 600 pictures of your kids.” That’s fair, but at least my kids make some people smile. If it makes one person happy, it makes me happy.

4. People who complain about all the drama: In my vast experience I have observed there is a direct correlation between people who complain about ‘all the drama’ and people who create drama. If there is one thing that I know to be true is that your life is filled with things you are committed to. If you commit to no-drama and happiness, that is what you shall have. If you commit to drama and adversity in your life that is what you will have. Whoa, that got a little deep. But, it is true none-the-less.

5. Throwing garbage out the car window: Are you kidding me? You can’t just leave it in your car until you get to your destination?!? You are so selfish that you can throw it out the window and think, “not my problem”? Shame shame shame. We should literally be allowed to rear-end cars that litter on the roads.

6. Pink: I know I already named celebs that annoy me, but I had to add Pink in a separate category. Sorry, Pink, but you are no different than all the other pop stars. Oh, you’re edgy because you aren’t as pretty as Brittney? You still sing lame pop music and your voice isn’t good either. I know that seems mean but I don’t think she is cool because she writes her own lyrics. “Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?” No I haven’t. Frankly, that just sounds messy.