Category: Family


thumbs upTo make a relatively short story long…

Background:

You all know how I have turned into a little bit of a nut when it comes to health and wellness. I mean I guess I have always been this way, but in the last 2 years I have come into my own as they say. I was a tomboy turned athlete turned health studies major turned massage therapist turned health book reader turned blogger turned into what I am now: a super passionate advocate of healthy eating, lifestyle, and common sense living. Or at least that is what I want to be. And recently I just decided to take it to the next level.

Blind Eye:

You see, I have been so worried about the chemicals that my family and I have been putting in our mouths, and have turned a blind eye to the chemicals that we are breathing in and rubbing/spraying on our skin. I won’t let my kids eat Gushers, but clean the bath tub with bleach or spray the kitchen table with toxic chemicals? Sure! Why not?

The Universe is sending me a message:

So, most of you know that I participated in St. Baldricks this March. Well, as you can imagine, my bald head was a big conversation starter. I cannot tell you how many strangers started telling me all about their personal experiences with cancer. Either they were a survivor or lost a wife/husband/friend/child to this horrible disease. It was so difficult to hear all of the sad stories people were sharing, but I also look at those moments as an incredible gift. I can’t tell you how many times I started crying with strangers. It was almost as if the universe was sending me a big flashing sign saying ‘CANCER’. I know cancer is scary, and mysterious, and multi-factorial, and too complicated to simplify, but I do believe there are lifestyle changes we can all make to help prevent certain types of cancer, not to mention, other diseases (asthma, allergies, diabetes, chronic inflammation, etc.).

Then I remembered:

I have this vivid memory from last summer/fall when I had a wake up call from my bug spray. It was a cooler evening. I had very thin leggings on under my dress. I remember the bugs being horrible that night! The mosquitoes were ALL OVER us. My husband does not mess around when it comes to mosquitoes and only buys the deep-woods off. You know the stuff with like 127% DEET? Well, I sprayed that on. And then, an hour later, I sprayed myself again. Eventually we went inside because we couldn’t take it. When I saw my leggings in the light, I noticed that the bug spray was eating away at the material. The leggings were literally dissolving from the chemicals in the spray! I immediately thought to myself, ‘and I spray this on my children?!?’.

Enough is enough:

That memory was all it took. I decided to contact a friend that I knew was selling all-natural products from cleaning to skin care, etc. I did my research and then pulled the trigger. I now use and sell Shaklee. Shaklee has been around forever and has a reputation for being a ‘GREEN’ company. And not like fake green, really truly environmentally conscious and responsible. Every single product is safe and non-toxic. I am incredibly excited about it and want to share it with the world.

From now on:

I no longer need to worry about my kid walking over when I am cleaning the windows. I no longer need to freak out over how much ventilation I have when cleaning my tiny little bathroom. The cleaner that I use to wipe down the counters? I can also spray it on my kids to keep the bugs off. Oh, and my dad can use it to spray down his fruit trees instead of pesticides. Yes, it’s that safe. And they work. Like, really work.

Take a look:

Here is my link. candicereimholz.myshaklee.com Check it out. Let me know if you are interested in anything. It can be confusing to figure out what everything is and does, so please ask if you have questions. Feel free to private message me at any time or commenting below(I recommend doing that before you place an order so I can help you get the best deals, monthly specials, etc.). Or, if you want to know more about the business end of things and getting involved, I can help you with that too. Honestly, no matter what type of wellness you are into, there is something for you.

I’ll be updating you all every once in a while, and highlighting a specific product now and then. I’m just really excited and think you would be too if you tried this stuff. 🙂

Thanks for listening.

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A Piece of Peace

I before E except after C…. Shit, I don’t know.

It has been a while since I have blogged. I’m not even sure why. I love to write. Blogging makes me happy, but sometimes I don’t make it a priority. Isn’t it funny how that happens sometimes? We go on autopilot. We begin to do things that are easy instead of what ‘fills our bucket’ (I learned that one from my son). Instead of turning off the TV and reading, it’s easier to watch re-runs of big bang theory. Instead of going to bed at a decent time, and working out in the morning, it’s easier to have 1-2 more drinks and say f-it.

I want to get off auto pilot. I don’t want to ‘get through the week’, I want to live my week. I want to design my week. I want to enjoy each and every week that makes up my one life. That feels powerful to say. It also feels scary. To be in control of my week, means that there is no one to blame but me when things do not go as planned or if I screw up. Is that why we are all afraid of creating our own destiny? If we actually try and then fail, what does that say?

I am not 100% sure why I share this with all of you. I guess I would love to create a little community of consciousness. A community of people that choose their actions, foods, health, thoughts, lives. A community of people who don’t get lost in drama triangles and living for show and hypocrisy. Maybe I share it as a way to get these thoughts out of my head and into the universe. I don’t need any more doubt or guilt in my head. I’d like to save that space for peace and wonder and love and learning.

I had a great moment this weekend when my daughter was off swinging on her tummy and my son was running thru the yard and I just soaked it all in. I tried to see the world like my kids would- with wonder and amazement. I stopped my son and said, ‘can you believe a few weeks ago, this yard was covered in snow?’ He said, ‘yeah and now it’s green grass with bugs and warm air’. I smiled and paused, taking a mental snap shot and then he says while walking away, ‘mom sure does like nature!’ Ha. I do. I sure do like nature. I sure do like moments like this too. Real moments of consciousness and presence. Moments not on autopilot. Moments not on my phone. Moments of living the life I want to live. I want some more of all that.

Mommy Monster

I wake up in the morningIMG_6468
With my normal mommy-ness
You turn me into something else
When I see the giant mess

I plan to be a good girl
With no yelling and no drama
But you wear me down and help create
This crazy-eyed mean-mama

Why must you fight about
The color of your glass
It’s the exact same milk inside
You’re acting like an ass

My hair is falling out now
What’s left is turning gray
Because you whine non-stop
All the live-long day

It doesn’t change my love
Not one tiny little bit
But if you would just listen
Mommy wouldn’t lose her shit

I dream of peace and quiet
But when my dream is done
I wake up to complaining
Mommy-monster I’ve become

So I wave the white flag
I know I’ll never win
I’ll give into the mess
Can you clean with gin?

I’m being hyperbolic
It’s really not that bad
But all your crappy habits
I blame them on your dad

You fill my heart with love
And though you’re why mom jiggles
I love you little bastards
And your contagious little giggles

XOXO- Mommy

023I went to the new Trader Joe’s in Libertyville yesterday and I was just so inspired! Maybe it was because I am happy to have TJ’s closer to home, maybe it was because it was 50 degrees and sunny after a spirit-crushing winter from hell, but I don’t think that was it. I think it was because I felt like a French Lady at the Market. Can you picture it: some classy woman, dressed well, red lipstick, stopping at the market and picking up a few ingredients and some wine to bring home to her family? This imaginary family then sits around a table for hours enjoying each others company and the delicious food. (If you haven’t learned this about me yet, I have quite the imagination). In this fake scenario, there is none of the typical issues most of us face: no time, kids fighting, family complaining… It is a happy place and I want to live there more often. I am going to live more ‘European’.

In many other countries (France, Italy, Spain, etc.) the food that people eat and their relationship to it is vastly different than our experience in America. Of course I am making extreme generalizations here so if you take offense in anyway- you’re missing the point. In Europe you are less likely to see someone loading up their cart at Wal-mart every other week with convenience food and industrial size tubs of cheese balls. We have become obsessed with saving a buck and saving ourselves calories. We care more about how much fat is in something than what ingredients are in something. Exhausted moms are like zombies in the super market aisles asking themselves ‘will my kid actually eat this?’ On the other hand, people in Europe buy full flavored fresh foods without obsessing over calories. People in Europe don’t avoid chocolate, but they also don’t wolf down a Butterfinger on their way home from work. They ENJOY the chocolate.

When I went to TJ’s, I had no plan and no list. I knew I needed a few dinners, and I was out of wine. I walked the store and picked up things that looked good and fresh. I grabbed a fresh salsa we’ve never had for my husband. I got a whole chicken that I made last night, and I have some fish and soup for tonight. Add in 5 bottles of wine, fresh fruit and veggies, and call it a day. I didn’t bring home anything I am going to regret having in my house. I didn’t buy any food that will sabotage our diets/healthy eating. But most importantly, I didn’t ‘shop-down’ to my kids. I didn’t buy something breaded, bland, and beige for them to eat. I didn’t buy some food-like product that is easily palatable so I can get thru dinner without complaints. I simply bought food. When we ate chicken and roasted veggies last night, so did the kids (Will told me cauliflower is not his favorite). When we eat fish tonight, so will the kids. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t live in some weird bizarro world where my kids love everything I make, but they do know that what mommy makes for dinner is what’s for dinner. There is no back up dinner; there is no snack later because you didn’t eat your dinner and there is CERTAINLY no telling mommy that the food is gross! (I will actually be blogging about feeding kids soon so be on the look out for that).

Lastly, food should be wonderful and exciting and fulfilling and fun and delicious. Food shouldn’t be depressing or worrisome or filled with guilt or boring or stressful. People talk about love-hate relationships with food. There should be no hate. By choosing foods that are real and fresh and yummy and preparing them to nourish your family, you will never need to worry about calories again.

So, you can either be:

That frazzled, crazed, hurried woman at Wal-mart, fighting the crowds, cursing people under your breath, schlepping around 3 weeks worth of convenience food, obsessing over how many calories is in your lean cuisine and your vitamin water, wondering if your kids will eat pork chops or if you should just get nuggets for them, and going home feeling crabby and wanting to order pizza.

Or, you can be:

That stylish, calm, collected woman at the ‘market’ smelling the produce and smiling, placing carefully selected ingredients in your basket, bringing home new and exciting flavors for your family to try, and never again worrying about calories or fat because you know that when you focus on nourishing your body and soul, you will never be unhealthy.

It’s all in your head, and you can have that experience too. Just decide it

photo (21)My daughter just provided me with a little ‘aha’ moment the other day. I was watching the make-over episode of the Biggest Loser and one of the contestants came out of the dressing room in a red dress. My daughter looked up at the TV and said, “Look Mommy, a princess!” She said it with such joy and wonder on her face. In her mind, this happy smiling woman in a dress WAS a princess. Mind you, this woman had no make up on, her hair wasn’t done, and she is still ‘over-weight’ based on our standards here in the states. This is no offense to this woman; she is simply still on her weight loss journey. None of this mattered to my 2 ½ year old. It really got me thinking.

First of all, I was so proud! I was proud that she has not been influenced by me or by society or by Disney to think that only skinny is beautiful. She can still see a woman who has genuine happiness on her face and call her a princess without any discrimination. I don’t know how long this will last, or even how long I want this whole princess fantasy to continue, but right now I am going to enjoy it.

What this should teach us though, is we are not born to discriminate, or hate, or make fun of, or think less of other people because of their appearance. We are born knowing that every human being is equally amazing and beautiful. We know this instinctually; we know it down to our bones. We learn otherwise, and incorrectly so. We are taught that “mommy doesn’t like to look fat in her jeans” and that “the chubby kid gets picked on the most” and that “there are no fat models” and that “the pretty girls get attention”.

It’s the same thing with racism. Remember that awesome Dennis Leary quote, “Racism isn’t born folks. It’s taught. I have a 2-year-old son. Know what he hates? Naps. End of list.” How true is that?!? And, if I introduced Ellie to 2 men and said, “Joe likes boys, and Mike likes girls”. She would say, “Okay…look at my pony.” She doesn’t care. Are they going to be nice her? Are they going to play Candyland? She’s on board.

We need to be conscious of our behavior, what comes out of our mouths, and our body language. A five year old girl is completely capable of interpreting an exasperated sigh as her mother looks in the mirror and doesn’t approve of what she sees. She is completely aware of the things you enjoy and focus on. If your coffee table is filled with Cosmo and US weekly instead of literature authored by women or books about science and the arts, she will notice. If your ‘down-time’ is watching Real Housewives or The Bachelor, she will notice. Not to mention the message this sends to our sons. Are we teaching our sons to value a woman for everything that she is capable of, or are we showing him that our value as women comes from our appearance?

It’s a lot of pressure, right? Yeah, parenting isn’t easy.

Just today to my husband I said, “I really need to focus on my diet. I am shaving my head in a month and I can’t be bald and chubby.” Granted, this was not in front of my kids, but it still came out of my mouth. I heard me say it. How many times a day do you insult yourself? If you had a friend that spoke to you that way, you would have ditched her years ago. And, my husband heard me say it. How annoying we must be to our husbands…. The person who loves us more than anyone else on the planet, the person who we trust with our lives, our future, our children, and we don’t believe the nice things they say to us.

I want to think like a 2 year old. I want to do what makes me happy. I want to value everyone equally (except moms, moms are the best). I want to play so hard that I fall asleep while eating. I want to be unashamed of my feelings and say what’s on my mind. We think that kids don’t know much, but they are so much wiser than we give them credit for. We could all learn a lot from them if we were actually listening.

What life lesson have you learned from your kids?

photo (1)Anyone with young children know that the question of ‘what do your kids want for Christmas’ is one of the hardest questions to answer. When they’re older they want specific items, when they are younger they either don’t know or they want everything. Or, they are like my 4 year old nephew who only wants swords, even though he has 5 swords already (not to mention all the swords he makes out of every day household objects). And, I don’t know about you, but I have 2 kids and my house is full of crap! I have no storage space and every inch is covered in plastic toys. My kids have so many toys, we don’t even know what to play with any more. So, if you’re anything like me, this guide is for you! This is what to ask for this year, especially from the grandparents.

1. Experiences, not stuff! Maybe the grandparents or aunts/uncles want to take them to the zoo or the children’s museum or to a movie or to a special over-night outing (think Key-lime cove or some indoor water park, etc.). The kids will have so much fun, they get to enhance the relationship with the kids, and the parents might get a chance to get out and shop themselves (or nap).

2. Lessons, not stuff! My mom is getting both of my kids swim lessons this year instead of more traditional presents. My kids are going to be thrilled, they get to swim every weekend in the boring Jan/Feb months, my mom doesn’t have to run around town trying to figure out what to get, I don’t have to pay for the lessons myself, and we don’t have to bring another f’ing version of Elmo into our home. Everybody wins! (think also gymnastics, ballet, karate, etc.)

3. Family fun, not stuff! My dad is getting our family passes to Great America. Instead of them trying to figure out 4 separate presents for our family of four, they only need to buy 1 thing. And, instead of them buying stuff they we’ll be sick of by February, we will be able to enjoy this gift all summer long! (think also pool passes, museum memberships, vacations, etc.)

4. For the babies…. When our kids were really little and truly didn’t know any better, we asked for diapers and formula and wipes and pajamas and money for day care and….. You get the point. Babies really don’t need too terribly much for the first 2 years. They have fun unwrapping presents, playing with the paper and boxes. They don’t care that it is a box of diapers. Help them help you, ask for what you need.

5. For the parents…. Sure I love gift cards, sure I love crock pots, but what I really want is a baby sitter. I want a baby sitter that is easy and consistent. What if you asked for an over-night baby sitter once a month for six months? Or, every other month all year long? Did I just blow your mind? Something consistent too, like the 3rd Saturday of every month. Just think if before the year even started, you had scheduled/planned date nights simply built into your calendar. You’re welcome…

6. The chip-in…. Last year we did a combo birthday day party for both kids. Everyone was asking what to get and I had NO ideas. The only thing we actually wanted was a swing set for the back yard but those are too expensive. So, what did we do? We asked all of the family members to simply chip in whatever they would have spent on a present and we pooled the money together. We ended up getting a really nice swing set, and again, made it easy on everyone else.

What NOT to get:

1. Noisy bullshit! We don’t need anymore singing teddy bears or harmonicas or yo gabba gabba dancing monsters or any of that rage inducing non-sense. It will shortly ‘run out of batteries’ or ‘go to sleep’ or ‘I don’t know what happened sweetie, you went to sleep and it just disappeared…’

2. Plastic crappy cheapness! I don’t want ANYTHING that can possibly be gotten in a happy meal. You know the toys that cost $3 and will last about 3 minutes… I don’t want them, they don’t need them, stop the insanity!

3. Parental supervision needed toys! I love my children. I swear, I do! But, there are literally a million things I can do with them. If there is anything I need, it is toys they can play with without me. I need stuff that gives me 15 minutes to attempt putting dinner on the table. I need something the little one can play with when I am helping the big one with his homework. I need something the big one can play with while I am trying for the 13th time this hour to get the little one to ‘pee pee on the (m’er f’ing) potty’.

4. Lastly, I just don’t want a slutty barbie. My daughter is 2 and I really don’t want to go thru the whole barbie thing. Doctor barbie should NOT be in platforms and a mini skirt! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I would love her to play with a reasonable, normal looking female doll. The ONE barbie she has is in a mini-skirt, no underwear, and a pink stripe in her blonde hair. I will not start the unrealistic craziness that is barbie as long as I can help it. I also resent the fact that my son gets science and building toys and my daughter gets a pink shopping cart. Do better- entire world.

Kids, no kids

IMG_4413In my vast experience I have come up with these differences between having kids and not having kids:

No kids: Wow, last night was fun. I better sleep this one off.
Kids: Wow, what was I thinking last night. Better get ready for a morning full of mother fucking Dora on repeat.

No kids: Oooh, we should check out that new restaurant. (and then you go the following week)
Kids: Oooh, we should check out that new restaurant. (and then you go within the next 36 months)

No kids: Ew, poop is gross!
Kids: Did the baby poop today? I’m worried, yesterday it was _______ and ___________ (insert very graphic words to describe poop colors and textures). What’s for lunch?

No kids: I’m in the mood for starbucks….(and then leaves to get starbucks)
Kids: I’m in the mood for starbucks… but there is no f’ing way I’m getting the kids f’ing dressed with coats and shit for f’ing coffee!

No kids: Hey babe, wanna do it on the couch?
Kids: Hey babe, wanna do it when our kids are away at college in 16 years? (winky face)

No kids: I love a long hot shower on a cold winter morning….
Kids: When is the last time I showered?

No kids: What do you want for dinner? ‘Let’s get sushi!’
Kids: What do you want for dinner? ‘Have whatever you want. I finished off the kids’ hot dogs and I’m not hungry any more.’

No kids: We should do a vacation this year. What about Mexico?
Kids: There is no way I’m taking these assholes on an airplane! Dells?

*Those are my adorable nieces and nephew. Taking up my poor sister’s entire king size bed. 🙂

That’s right, two-year-olds suck. I know this isn’t news to many of you, but it needs to be said. It needs to be shouted from the roof-tops. There is a very good reason they are called the terrible twos and my daughter might be trying to kill me. Okay, maybe not kill me but certainly trying break my heart and crush my spirit.

First of all, let me be clear. I love her desperately. She is quite possibly the most adorable creature to walk the earth. blah blah blah. Back to her being the worst.

Do you know what 2 year-olds do when they don’t get their way? Scream. And not just scream, like lucky-my-windows-didn’t-shatter scream. By the way, do you know what they do when they DO get their way? Scream. Yep.

Do you know what 2 year-olds like to eat? Nothing. You know how when they are babies and learning how to eat new foods and you can pretty much give them anything? That stops at exactly 2. I miss the baby who would dunk her broccoli in her blueberry yogurt. Last night she told me “I don’t like chicken, I don’t like cheese, I don’t like an-thing!” Oh, and she followed that up with screaming.

Do you know what they do when they drop something in the back of the car when you are driving and can’t reach it? Scream. And if they are not screaming they are doing that weird hybrid between whining and crying that is worse than screaming.

Do you know who has zero regard for their own safety? You guessed it- 2 year-olds. My daughter is reckless! She might be pretty now, but if she keeps falling on her face I’m going to have to buy her a hockey mask. By the way, whoever invented coffee tables- Fuck you!

Do you know what my 2 year-old monster did to me yesterday? She was throwing a fit (shocker) and I was croutched (crowched?) down next to her trying to calmly reason with her. She put her hand up to my face and pushed me away with her palm. She is lucky I have been practicing my conscious breathing (and drinking a lot of wine) lately.

Did you know that 2 year-olds can do everything and nothing by themselves? They insist on ‘me do it!’ but are completely incapable of actually doing it. I know, parenting experts will tell you that this is an important part of their development and this is how they learn. Well that’s great but I actually am expected to be on-time occasionally. My daughter has landed on her face twice getting down from the car because ‘no no no mommy, me do it’. By the way, if you don’t let them do it themselves, they scream.

Do you know who can’t control where they vomit? 2 year-olds. Do you know where they like to vomit? Not in the toilet or the bucket you scoured (scowered? Why is spelling so hard?) the garage for. They like to puke on the carpet, the couch, or mommy/daddy. My daughter also likes to pee on the carpet. The other day she sat on the potty for 15 minutes and then peed on the walk from the bathroom to her room to get the diaper. F’ing 2 year-olds.

And lastly, do you know who is a waste of cuteness? 2 year-olds. Why a waste you ask? Because they will not let you take their picture! They either make the ridiculous cheese face, look away, or frown. I took like 746 pictures last weekend and I think I got two that she is looking at the camera and smiling in a non-psycho-baby way.

Oh, and I resent her for her super model hair.
photo

Uni-tasking

160A few days ago, I was sitting at the table talking to Will about kindergarten, checking facebook on my phone, watching Ellie out of the corner of my eye hiding behind a chair (this is how she poops now, hiding behind a chair for privacy. The parents reading will understand this), and I had breakfast on the stove. I was the definition of multi-tasking. I am super mom, hear me roar! So, why then, do I feel crummy about it?

Have you noticed how much we value multi-tasking in this country? At work, one must be a good multi-tasker. It is a standard interview question now, “Are you a good multi-tasker? Give us an example of a time….”. We have become obsessed with how much can you get done in the least amount of time. We all have so much going on in our lives and it seems like we never have enough time to get it all done.

But at what cost?

When you are doing 4 things at 1 time, chances are, you are not doing any of them very well. I probably wasn’t giving Will the attention he deserved, I certainly could have used the opportunity with Ellis to get her to sit on the potty, and I probably over cooked the sausage. I really nailed my facebooking though!

Multi-tasking has become such an obsession that I actually now find it harder to uni-task than to multi-task. How often are you just truly engaged and focused on the task at hand? Go to a park and look around. You’ll see mom’s every where on their phones. Go to a bar and look at a group of friends. They are all probably ‘checking in’ and tagging each other and seeing where everyone else is and…. You get my point. We are never ‘just where we are and with who we are with’.

People hearing their text message alert while they are in the middle of a conversation is the human equivalent to the movie UP where the dog goes, “Squirrel!”

squirrel
As a parent with young children I feel like this is my chance to teach them a valuable life lesson. If I don’t want to raise kids that stare down at their phones while they talk to me, I can’t do that to them. I don’t want to teach my kids that getting a lot of things done is more important than the quality of what you create.

I want to teach my kids that it is possible to prioritize their lives in a way so that everything that is important can get done.

Time is not our enemy, WASTING time is our enemy. A lack of prioritizing is our enemy. A lack of consciousness is our enemy. (more to come on our relationship with big bad TIME)

My first step is to identify my ‘drifts’. In other words, the things that I do that suck me out of consciousness. Things like facebook, television, alcohol, staying up too late and subsequently sleeping in too late. Once you know the things that cause you to drift, you can be more aware of when it’s happening. This doesn’t mean I am giving up TV; I am certainly not giving up alcohol! But, I’m going to try not to slip into these drifts without consciousness.

And I am going to practice my uni-tasking! If I am with the kids, I’m going to put the phone away and focus on them because they deserve it. If I am writing, I am going to go somewhere away from the kids and television because I deserve that. If we are eating, we are only going to be eating (no phones, no televisions) because my family deserves that. If I am out with my husband, I will keep the phone in my purse and focus on him because he deserves it.

I am going to start valuing uni-tasking as a skill. “Name a time when you focused on one thing and did a great job”

What about you? How do you drift?

mad at your wifeWhen you are newly weds (and even before that) you get bombarded with advice. Everyone has ‘the secret to a happy marriage’ or ‘how to communicate with your husband’ advice. It is all well-intentioned and it is usually cliche. Possibly the most common (after ‘love like it’s never going to hurt’) is ‘never go to bed angry’.

I used to believe this.

To back up a little, my husband and I don’t fight much. If we do, we usually get over it pretty quickly. There is something to be said for knowing you’re ‘stuck’ with this other person and there is no point in arguing. I mean that in the most romantic way possible of course. 🙂

When the fights do happen though, I always tried to beat them to death. I was desperate to prove how ‘right’ I was and get my husband to say ‘I’m sorry’. It was almost an obsession. And, rightly so- my husband is a master of the fake apology. You know, the ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ and the ‘I’m sorry you took what I said that way’ and the ‘I’m sorry you’re so ridiculously sensitive’. I may have made up that last one, but that is what I was hearing.

Well, on Saturday night, he made me angry. It is not important what it was about, but I wasn’t getting the appreciation or recognition that I wanted. I, naturally, picked a fight. We went back and forth for about 15 minutes. That is officially my husband’s time limit on arguments. At that point, he’ll throw his hands up and declare he’s done.

He went to bed.

I stewed.

Eventually, I went to bed. Angry.

When I woke up in the morning, I just went on with my day. Got my coffee, got the kids going, etc. I remembered being ‘mad’ at my husband, but the details were a little fuzzy. I remembered all of the things I said, but was struggling to remember what the trigger was. He woke up 30 mins. after me and didn’t even acknowledge what took place the night before. He was 100% over it. Not ‘over it’ in the sense that he was hoping I wouldn’t bring it up, but over it like ‘I literally don’t give 2 shits about the fight last night’. I found myself studying him for a minute and marveling at the man-brain. I was like a discovery channel zoologist. “You see the male brain moves on as if nothing has transpired.” So simple.

This is only half insult. The other half is me being jealous of the simplicity. Men typically will tell you what they think. They typically mean what they say. They tend not to over think in the way that women do. This is good for their own sanity, but gets them in trouble with us, often. We want them to solve the mystery that is the female brain. We want them to know what to say and when to say it. We have oddly high expectations for their simplistic male minds.

All I needed to do was to explain to my husband that I was feeling a little under-appreciated and ask him for some words of affirmation. He would have likely obliged. Sure, you could argue that I shouldn’t have to ask for it, but who are we kidding?

So, back to going to bed angry… I went to bed mad, woke up slightly irritated, and then over it by the time I finished my coffee. This may not work for your bigger problems, recurring themes, or unresolved issues, but for the little things it could be just what the doctor ordered. Nothing seems as bad after you sleep on it. When you force an argument to keep going, you start reaching, projecting, compounding…. A fight about putting laundry away turns into ‘you never appreciate me’, to ‘you don’t spend enough time with my family’, to ‘you’ve never really loved me!’

We have all seen this happen. We have all been a part of a fight where we couldn’t remember why it started. All we know is- we are pissed! This is our ego. This is the voice in the back of our head that says, “me being ‘right’ is more important than having peace”. I don’t know about you, but I would much rather be at peace and be happy and be in love than be ‘right’.

So, the next time you find yourself fighting, sleep on it. See how important it still is in the morning.

Anyways, that is my advice for the week… Take what you will. Consider reading the 5 Love Languages. It is awesome. Good read for you and your hubby (If you can get him to join you! But, I’ll save that for another post….)