Category: Writing and Blogging


I have done a few posts like this previously: my relationship with hats, my relationship with lipstick… Today is my Relationship with Selfies! And, per usual, it’s complicated!
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Like most people, when the youngsters (you know you’re getting older when you use the word youngster) started taking and posting selfies, I thought it was stupid. I would roll my eyes and make judgments. But, my thoughts on the subject are evolving right along with me and my journey.
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My epiphany and motivation to write this blog came from my friend and business partner’s latest blog about HER journey. You should read it.

There is a lot of self doubt out there for women, mothers, people that are in the business I am in, and -I guess- just human beings in general. We are always worried about what people are going to think about us. What will they say?!? I used to never wear lip stick because I thought other people might think it looks stupid. Well that’s stupid! My lipstick only effects me and the people I am kissing. If you don’t like it, that is an issue for you to work out. Same with my career choice. I am doing something, that for some reason, makes people uncomfortable. Same for me when I first made the leap. But now I’m locked in, sure of my choice, and comfortable wearing it around town.
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What does this have to do with selfies?!?

Well, before if I took a selfie, I felt like I had to justify it in some way. Or, apologize for it. I worried that other people would be mocking me or rolling their eyes behind the safety of whatever screen they were seeing me on. But I’m evolving.
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I take selfies for lots of different reasons. Sometimes it’s because I’m trying to show what I am up to or what I’m using and loving. Sometimes it’s because I want to be in a picture with my kid. I will NOT be the mom who looks back at pictures from the past and is missing from the memories! I will be there front and center with my family. Sometimes it’s because I think I look nice. Moms especially know how hard it is to make yourself look nice when you have so much on your plate every GD day.

But most of the time, it’s because I’m happy. I’m happy that my body feels happy and healthy. The happier my body feels, the more it shows in my face and on the outside. I am happy with where I am at in my life journey and I feel like it is shining out of pores! When you work really hard to get comfortable and happy and hopeful and peaceful, you want to show it and share it. I lived a life of self doubt and worry and insecurity (still do sometimes); I don’t want to anymore. I want you to come with me too. We waste so much time worrying and not enough time taking care of ourselves and taking chances and taking naps and taking hikes and taking selfies!

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Btw- I DID feel pretty stupid taking all these pictures in the parking lot at Starbucks before I came in to write this! Wonder if anyone saw me??? Guess how much I care though?

Past is past

Letting go of

what I used to think was me

memories and regret

time to let me be

old is gone

like summers past

can’t feel the sun

not meant to last

I’m not that girl

though not ashamed

she got me here

not to be blamed

so bye to the tightness

that creeps in my chest

time for my guilt

to be laid to rest 

photo (4)There are 2 types of people in the world:

People who like to talk about sex and people who think it’s rude to talk about sex.
People who ‘get over’ as soon as the traffic sign says to and Assholes.
People who cook and people who bake.
People who like being happy and people who think they like to be happy but consistently make themselves miserable.
People who can stop after 1 drink and people like me.
People that worry about their kids from the second they are born until forever and dads.
People that want to hold your baby and hear about your baby and love your baby and people that are like ‘talk to me when your 3’.
People that like the Chicago Bears and jerks.
People that think the book is better than the movie and people that don’t care because they are too lazy to read books.
People that follow a strict, clean diet and people that are like ‘Ooohhh, Shamrock shakes are back!’
People that read my blog and big stupid dummies. 🙂

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Brainy birds, floating free
Know what you must be
Go Away
Please don’t stay
Sing your song for me

***I wrote this after I saw the above art work by Kiersten Essenpreis. If you don’t know about her, now you know… She is incredibly talented and likely the most creative person I know in real life. Thanks for the inspiration. Check her out at http://www.youfail.com

Rainy day

photo (12)Rainy day
Complainy day
Do nothing and piss it away
Kind of day

Still feeling sick
Need to get over it quick

For Sunday
My favorite day.

photo (5)Dear Friends on Facebook,

Hi there. We don’t get to actually talk face to face much but I have a few things that I wanted to tell you.

First of all, to those of you that seem to be doing so great in your professional life- congratulations. I have very much enjoyed watching you over the past 4 years-or-so really come into your own. You are on a great path and you clearly worked very hard to get there. Good for you. I hope all of your blessings continue and that you always remember to be grateful for what you have. Have a glass of champagne- on me.

Now for the moms, you’re doing a great job! You guys make me laugh all the time, you make me feel normal, and you give me great ideas of things I can do with my own clan. I know it probably seems like I am really caught up with my own kids, but let me tell you- your kid(s) is/are super cute! I mean that. Just remember, even though you don’t always feel like it, you’re a good mom. Have a glass of wine- on me.

To the dads that are there doing their thing- you rock. I wish everyone had a chance to have an amazing dad in their lives. I know moms out there get a lot of attention, but dads are important too. You are appreciated and you’re doing a good job. You are just as capable as we are and we ladies love you for it. And, let’s face it, there is nothing in the world cuter than a man holding a baby. Have a beer- on me.

To the dog owners, your dog is so cute too! I just want to squeeze him (all dogs are boys…). In a lot of ways I am jealous. Dogs are much more loyal, they are always happy to see you, they can be left for a few hours at a time, you can go to target without them, and they can keep up on a run. You’re a good dog mom/dad. Same goes for cats, birds, flying squirrels, etc. Have a milk bone- on me.

To those of you who are pregnant, you look beautiful! Wow, you are exactly the right size. Look at you, creating life like it’s no big deal. You are amazing. And, to you that just had a baby, you look beautiful! Wow, you are exactly the right size. Look at you, delivering babies and caring for them night and day like it’s no big deal. You are amazing. Have a nap and a Cinnabon- on me (and then tell me about it….slowly).

To those of you still trying to figure your shit out, it’s cool. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. As long as you’re kind and hard working, it will come together. The people who are closest to you know how great you are and they will always believe in you even if you forget to yourself. Have a PBR- on me.

To those of you I don’t keep in touch with, I miss you. It might not always seem like it, but I do. I have no excuses necessarily because I know that doesn’t help anybody, but I wish I got to see you more. Remember that one time….? That was the best. I am at least grateful that I get glimpses at your life on the computer from time to time. Have one of those things we used to drink together- on me. (likely an O-bomb or busch lite)

To those of you that I may not have been kind to in the past, I am sorry. I talk about kindness on a lot and I worry that I may not have always behaved the best when I was younger. Please know, that if I hurt you in anyway, I am sorry. It was not personal. I was young and stupid. If I dated your boyfriend after you, it’s not because I was out to hurt you. It’s because 16-21 year old girls REALLY like 16-21 year old boys. If I ignored you in the hallway, it was likely unintentional and I’m sorry. If I was too caught up in my own non-sense to notice your non-sense, I’m sorry. 16 year olds are selfish. And, for those of you that were mean to me, it is all forgiven. There were more than a few nights someone’s insensitive comment had me in tears, but I like to believe that if you could do it over again you would. If it makes you feel any better, I’ll do my best to make sure my kids are kind and that we talk about the importance of putting others first. Have some humble pie- on me.

To the peeps that I pretty much only know because of facebook, I’m so glad we had a chance to meet. In any other time we would have continued to go our separate ways and now I have developed this interesting little relationship with you. I ‘like’ your comments, you ‘like’ my comments, you make me laugh, I worry about whether or not I am making you laugh. You shared that funny political thing that one time and I shared it because it was too good not to. You remember… Glad we’re friends now. Have a, uh, I have no idea what you like actually.

To those people who have had to go through some tough stuff lately, you have my heart. I cry with you, I laugh with you, I worry with you, and I remember with you even from a distance. You are not alone even though it might feel like it sometimes. Have a hug- on me.

To the idiots that disagree with me politically, don’t worry, I know you call me an idiot too. Isn’t that wonderful?! We can have healthy debates about the election one day (I’m moving to Canada!) and then be back to normal life the next day (I love pumpkin spice lattes!). Cheers to short term memories and knowing what really matters!

That’s what is great about this time we live in. We can look at the conveniences of this world and either scoff at the sometimes ridiculousness that it is, or we can marvel at it’s triumph. We can be grateful that we have this opportunity to stay in touch with, share our stories/work/art/lives with, and get support from hundreds of people on a daily basis. I am very grateful for that. I am very grateful to those of you who support me. I am very grateful that I had this opportunity to share these thoughts with all of you. Thank you for sharing your time/family/stories/ideas/life with me. 🙂

(If you feel this way too, share this with your friends as well. In other words, share the love.)

035 Yesterday my sister and I went on a farm tour. Tempel Farms Organics does it every year. The people responsible for farming the land, take everyone on a FREE 2-hour tour of the land. They explain what they do, how they do it, and why they do it the way that they do. They are an organic farm, and spend a lot of time and energy growing things the ‘right’ way.

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Anyway, my sister invited me to do it with her: “you can take pictures and then blog about it.” I was all in. We even joked about what we would wear “casual, organic, chic” and Brooke laughed about how I should capture her “sun-kissed cheeks” on camera. Big nerds, I know.

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I knew I was going to enjoy it. What I did not expect was the lingering joy that this relatively simple tour has provided. I am still trying to get a handle on exactly why I feel this way. Maybe it is because I was outside, in nature, getting exercise (I could spend every minute of the summer outside and never get sick of it). Maybe it was because what they were saying about the food was reinforcing everything I have been saying about food lately. Maybe it was because I could feel their passion for what they do when they were talking. Or, maybe it was because I was out taking pictures and planning what I was going to write about. It was almost like I was a ‘real’ writer who was out on assignment.

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All day today, I have thinking about this experience and how much more enjoyable and healthy and productive it was than drinking too much, or laying around watching TV, or ___________(insert your unhealthy time waster here). It was like those 2 hours gave me a snap shot of the kind of life I wanted to live. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to quit my day job and start farming. I cannot imagine the physical demands of that job. These people work so hard, all day, every day.

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But, it was a good reminder of staying focused on what I want from my life, and how I want to spend my days. If we don’t stay conscious of what we are doing with our seconds, they disappear. We can’t get time back. I need to keep reminding myself of this fact. Not in a threatening kind of way like ‘enjoy every second or else…’, but in a way that keeps me on track. I am starting to figure out what I want for the first time in my life and it is TOO EASY to get side-tracked.

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Have you thought about this? What do you want? Have you figured it out yet? I find it fascinating when I meet someone who is so certain of the path that they are on and everything in their life moves them in the right direction. I am very far from that, but I take pride in the fact that I am getting closer. I don’t have all the answers and I don’t think you need to, but I think it is important ask yourself these questions, to live in wonder, to commit to learning, to seek peace and fulfillment, to ask yourself what you truly want from this one life. The soul searching continues…

(Here are some more pictures of their beautiful farm on a beautiful summer day)

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So, yeah, I’m writing a book….

#Holyhell#mothercrapanxiety#panicattack#shitdamnchrist#whatthewhat
#helpmebabyjesus#sweatypalmspoundingheart#cockballs
#thereisnoturningbacknow#sweetmothermarycometome
#whyohwhycan’tihaveanormalbrain#doesanyoneknowapublisher
#ithinkithrewupalittle#ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I’m writing a book!

adirondack chairI had a little ‘AHA’ moment today while I was cleaning my outdoor patio set. The damn table needs to be cleaned a lot. It sits below two trees that are constantly dropping leaves, helicopters, sap, pine needles, etc. on it. Not to mention the damn birds that poop on my damn table. Brent was out front mowing the damn lawn and there was a lot more damn work to do. There’s a lot going on. In the last few weeks I have heard ourselves, our neighbors, our friends, and our family say ‘a home-owners work is never done’. It’s so true. Every time we finish something, there is something else that needs to be started. It’s daunting, it’s depressing….And then it hit me! My inner candysbrain voice chided me, “you know how f-ing lucky you are to have a home, let alone a patio set?!’ My brain sure told me.

The more I thought about it, the worse I felt for being such a whiner. Yes, it’s a lot of work, but we are so blessed to have what we have. We are so lucky to live in a nice home in a great neighborhood. I should be singing my praises while scrubbing my table instead of bitching. Not to mention that before we had this really nice patio set, we had a crappy plastic set that I hated. It was so ugly. How soon we forget right? It’s like you are so desperate for that next upgrade in life, we forget to open our eyes and realize what is sitting on our face.

We have some dear friends that just moved into their new gorgeous home this weekend. Of course, the market today is very different that it was 6 years ago. When I think about what we paid for our house compared to the deal that they likely got, it makes me ill. Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy for our friends and can’t wait to have many a play date in that house, but it is still hard when you start comparing. Why do we do that? Why do we feel the need to compare? There are a lot of people in our lives that are probably jealous of what we have too. I don’t remember where I heard this but I love the saying that we need to stop comparing our ‘behind the scenes’ to everyone else’s ‘highlight reel’. The grass is always fucking greener….(seriously though, the grass is always greener. How does everyone else have such nice lawns and ours is filled with weed and clover?…I digress)

I posted a while ago about filters and framing and how our relationship to everything that happens in our life can be perceived differently based on how we frame or filter. For example, I just got new Adirondack chairs. I have wanted them for a long time. If you have ever shopped around for these chairs you know that you can find them from $50 to $900 dollars and every where in between. The ones I got were much closer to $50 than $900! They need to be stained, and they aren’t as sturdy as I would like. I could focus on this, or I could focus on the fact that they are beautiful and they allow me to sit closely next to my husband who I adore and the fact that they hold my ass up out of the grass. Our brains are funny in that they can be trained. If you make the decision to be happy and to see the good, your brain will start to normally frame your thoughts toward the positive.

Which leads me to my next big diet! I am going on a new and experimental diet. A no-blaming, no-complaining, no-bitching-and-moaning diet. I am responsible for what shows up in my life. I am responsible for my thoughts, actions, re-actions, etc. I have control over how different situations affect me. This is called a shift-move and I am ready to shift. I am going to live in a space of gratitude and wonder and love and appreciation.

Want to join me? Seriously, do you think you could try living in a world where you are 100% responsible for your experience? 100%- no more, no less. Of course this doesn’t mean you won’t slip up now and again. We are human after all. But, can you attempt to change your consciousness to a place appreciation, accountability, wonder, and feeling your feelings without judgment (joy/anger/fear/sadness/sexual desire)? I know that I will struggle. It sounds so simple when you just type it out, but in the real world it is much more challenging. Well, I know that I will try. I know that I will fail occasionally. But, when I fail, I will try not to judge myself too harshly and re-commit. I hope you will come along for the ride.

100This is my 100th blog post since starting Candys brain blog last year. (Bells…Whistles….Yahoos) I can’t believe it but 100 times now I have shared what is floating around my noggin. Thank you for reading. Thank you for your kind words. Thanks for sharing my posts. Thanks thanks thanks!

When I realized that my next post was going to be the big 1-0-0 I started to stress a little. I had no idea what I should write about. I guess it doesn’t really need to be meaningful or profound (Why start now?! Ba da bum). Still, I felt extra pressure to reflect on what I am doing and why I am doing it.

In the beginning, the reason I called this ‘candys brain blog’ was because I wanted to write about all of the things in my brain. Against the advice of every book, blog, article, and expert, etc. I did not want to specialize. I didn’t want to pick one topic. For example, I didn’t want to just write about being a mom. There is so much more to me than that. I love writing about food, but I also like books, and personal growth, and life lessons, and being funny, and a bit of a feminist, and…. You get the point.

But, what IS the point? Why do I do this? It is time consuming, no one pays me, I am already very busy. What is in it for me?

Well, it turns out this is my ‘zone’. When I am writing these little posts, time disappears. Life disappears.

Kids: “Look mommy, I’m playing with matches!”

Me while writing: “That’s nice sweetie…”

It is how I relax.

But that is obviously only half of it because- why would I share it with all of you then? If it is just for me, why do I care if you’re reading it? If I really sit and think about it, it is because I am happy and I want all of you to be happy too! Really, I am happy and I want to share those happy thoughts, ideas, recipes, laughs, advice, rants, etc. with you in hopes that you will feel some of it as well. I desperately want to make you laugh, and help you find health, and teach you something new, and to motivate you to make a change, and show you that you’re not alone!

I hope I have written something over the past year that has made you think, “at least someone else is as crazy/clueless/opinionated/whatever as I am”.

I hope I have written something over the past year that has made you laugh on a day that you didn’t feel like laughing.

I hope that I have written something over the past year that has changed the way you feel about yourself.

I hope that I have written something over the past year that makes you realize that you are not the only one who is apparently ‘weird shaped’ or ‘bi-polar’ or ‘feels bad about their boobs’ or ‘needs help deciding what to feed their family’.

Not sure what the next step of this journey is. Maybe I’ll find a way to do this as ‘my job’, or maybe nothing will change. Either way, I am going to keep writing and I certainly hope that you keep reading. XOXO