Category: Writing and Blogging


Oh, a holiday weekend

Time to run, run, runholiday couple

Worst parking spot ever!!

Isn’t this fun?

 

Don’t forget the teachers,

and the mailman and your boss

I’m blinded by the light

Of my neighbors neon cross

 

The kids are running crazy now

with tiny frantic eyes

Santa Claus is watching

so no more little lies

 

Dad hasn’t started yet

with two days left to spare!

Mom’s been out for months

and pulled out most her hair.

 

It’s great to be done now

Just need to sit and wrap

Son of a….forgot the stockings

To Target for more crap

 

Gained 7 pounds since Turkey day

Look like a Christmas ham!

Shit! Forgot my neighbor

Maybe I’ll re-gift this jam?

 

Griswolds on the TV set

makes the season bright

White Christmas is coming next

Ignoring husband’s plight.

 

Finally done with everything

Can’t make me go back out!

Mother.*@….! Cookies for Santa

Now mom is gonna pout!

 

Last time to the store I swear

Or so I’d like to think…

I’ll get some baileys while I’m there

At least I can have a drink!

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Very Likely Bad Haikus

A haiku for you

You don’t even have to share!

What did you get me?

 

Music of our times

What a bunch of crap burgers!

I sound like my dad

 

Wind whispers to me

The secrets of her lost youth

I feel her pain

 

Haikus are the best

’cause they don’t have to make sense

Perpendicular

Lazy Hazy Dazey Sunday

Snuggled up with my boos, two

Work and nonsense surrounds us ignored

 

Slowing down time with my mind

Soaking up the now-ness of well….now

 

Grinch by the tree,

the Elf’s on the shelf

And the man I love’s in my heart

Saturday Love

Oh, sweet Saturday nap

You delicious N-A-P

Solitary time

Special just for me

 

Got my comfy clothes on

(Bra thrown on the floor)

Fan to block the noise

Quick-quiet close the door

 

Mask covering my face

Blankets to my chin

One hour with my kids asleep

I win! I win! I win!

 

Got a red hot date tonight

With my husband: handsome, tall

Will I miss my kids? You say-

Oh, Ha! Not at all

 

Of all the days per week

My favorite is Saturday

Sure- there’s some work to do

But, it’s mostly filled with alcohol play!

6 a.m. alarm buzzes, get ready for work, kiss kids goodbye by 7 a.m., and then race to work. Fast forward to 3:30, jet home, play with kids, cook, eat dinner, go for a run (if I am lucky), bath times, kids in bed. At 7:45 I sit down for the first time, spend an hour or so with the hubby, read, and grown-ups go to bed. Repeat.

This is my life. So, do I have it all? No!

Only in America do we have these extreme ideas like ‘having it all’, ‘finding the one’, having ‘the perfect body’, and ‘living the dream’. Not only do I think these things are unrealistic, I think that they are dangerous. Having it all is not attainable because it is fiction. If we spend our time trying to get to a finish line that doesn’t exist- we never stop running! The problem is that someone is always going to have more, or have it better, or have it easier. The grass is always greener and those damn Jones’ are very hard to keep up with. If we are always looking for that next upgrade, whether it’s our cell phones or our homes or our marriages, we will never be satisfied. Now that is an unpleasant way to live- always feeling like there is something better just out of your reach.

Instead of trying to achieve the un-achievable, I propose, we focus on being happy. Just happy; simple as that. Now, to do this may take some creative thinking, but we can choose what to focus on. We may not have control over everything that happens in our lives, but we certainly have control over how we let the circumstances affect us. I am constantly telling myself, “re-frame….re-focus”. Whenever something irritates me, when I don’t have what I think I want, and when someone else is affecting my happiness, I just change my focus. I (try to) learn what I can from the situation, focus on what I DO have in my life, and I move on. I know, easier said than done.

I might not have it all, but I have enough. In fact, I have a little bit of everything. I have a job that makes me happy, but it’s not the biggest and best paying job. I have a handsome husband of five years. We don’t get a lot of fancy dinners and fabulous vacations, but we love each other. I have a social life- not much of one- but it counts! I have great friends and the world’s best sister. And, I have 2 beautiful children that make me smile every day of my life. I can’t believe how much those sticky little monkeys make me melt. But, even with my babies, very often I have to tell them no; that they can’t have it all either.

So, like I said, I don’t have it all, but it’s enough to make me happy. Although, I will admit that when I am reading my son his story and he looks up at me and says, “Mommy, I very love you” it sure feels like I have it all. That is, until- 6 a.m. alarm buzzes….

 

*This was actually submitted for a little contest and since I didn’t win, I thought I would share it with all of you. Who needs money for writing anyway???

Related post : Mommy Enough (pressure)?

Marathon Limerick

 

 

 

 

 

There once was a girl from Nantucket

 

She meant to do 26 but said ‘fuck it’

 

It got way too hard

She can’t run ‘cross the yard

 

Make fun and she’ll tell you to ‘suck it!’

 

 

 

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“Follow” me on twitter

 

Ode to Starbucks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cappuccino, Frappuccino

Mochas and Chai Tea

All the glorious choices

Made special just for me.

 

Pumpkin spice latte

You’re autumn in a cup

White chocolate mocha

You always fill me up.

 

Only 500 calories

For sure ruined my diet

Oooh, new salted caramel

I just HAVE to try it.

 

When the people line up and I should leave

I always come back for more

Why can’t I quit you?

Starbucks, you’re such a whore!

 

5 dollars a pop

Makes me want to cry

Without this small addiction

Think of what I could buy.

 

Too many to choose from

Venti, Grande, Tall

Only one complaint-

Why can’t I just say ‘small’?

So, I have heard about people doing things like this but have never tried it myself. I decided to try it and see what happens. Although, I must say, I’m a little nervous!

Here’s what I want you to do:

In the comments below, I want you to leave a quick description and link to one of your favorite blog posts that you wrote.  (I.e. Here is a humorous post I wrote about turning 30….www.blahblah…..) This way, everyone that reads my blog will also be exposed to your work as well. I can’t promise it will be  a lot of people, or that they will click thru to yours but you never know. I personally am excited to read what you post and will ‘share’ as many as I can.

Here’s what I ask in return:

Please ‘share’ one of my posts on your Facebook page. If you are a follower you can pick one of your favorites. If you are a first timer, feel free to browse and hopefully you’ll read something you like. All I ask is that you don’t share THIS post because this is not a good representation of what I typically write.

I think one of the things we all have in common is that we want to expose what we write to more people. The more people who read what we write, the better chance we have of creating a following and potentially a career in writing. It’s certainly worth a try!

This is part 2 to my doggy series. I am much less sad today and therefore today’s post should be tear free. I just wanted to tell a story about my weird wonderful doggy to honor his memory.

On Monday we were at the animal emergency place for the second time in Gordo’s life. The first time was 6 years ago and was the setting for one of my favorite stories of all time.

Our little baby Gordo was about 3 months old and about 20 pounds. We actually named him Gordo because he was so fat. As a puppy, when he would lay down on the floor, his skin would lay on the floor next to him. And, as you know, labs are about the cutest puppies in the world- so you can imagine how adorable this little dog was.

It was about 9 pm on a random Monday night (I remember because 24 was on) and Brent and I were winding down for the night. I’m half asleep on the couch and I notice that Gordo is acting funny. He is on his doggy pillow with his head buried in his crotch. I watch for a second thinking he’s going to stop, but he doesn’t. I yell to get his attention, he looks at me for a second, then gets back to business licking himself. This goes on for a couple more minutes before I walk over there to see if there is a cut or some kind of irritation. What I was not expecting was a big puppy boner! It was out there baby!

So, I tell Brent while laughing, “You have got to see this.” He comes over and casually said, “Just leave him alone, he’ll stop”. Well, 5 more minutes go by and he is still licking and ‘it’ is still out. Now I tell Brent that I am starting to get worried. He tells me I’m nuts. My argument is that if the comercials say that it is bad for men to have an erection too long, than maybe it’s bad for dogs too. I don’t know- this is my first doggy-hard-on-related-issue.

Fast forward 10 more minutes it’s still going on and now the dog is clearly in pain. Of course this happens when the vet’s office is closed so I really have no idea what to do. I looked in the phone book and found a number to the animal emergency center and proceeded to make the most awkward phone call of my life: “Um, hi. I have a 3 month old puppy with an…er….a… erection that won’t go away. I don’t know what to do.” The lady responds in a clearly irritated voice, “Ma’am, just leave the dog alone, take away his toys and he’ll stop humping.” I try to explain that he’s not humping but she clearly isn’t concerned so I hang up.

Fast forward another 15 minutes and I can’t take it anymore. I call back (this time way tougher): “Hi, remember me? Puppy- erection? Yeah, he still has one!” This time I can tell she’s surprised and puts me on hold to talk to the doctor. She gets back on the phone and tells me to come in- quickly.

We race to the hospital, I am in the back seat cradling my little baby. We bring the dog in and the waiting room is full of people. Everyone looks up and sees this adorable little puppy and I swear they all said, “Awweee” simultaneously. Then Brent makes an awkward hand off to me and exposes Gordo’s ‘situation’ and I swear they all went, “GOO!”. That’s probably what I have made up in my head over the years, but still…

Next thing I know the vet is telling me they have to sedate the dog to fix the problem and they have to put some kind of cream on the penis to shrink it down so the skin will go back over it. And, I am not making this part up, he says “You know how when you put sugar on strawberries and the berries shrink, it’s like the same thing.” Okay…

Well they fix the problem and bring our baby back out to us and we can check out. $400 later we have a healthy puppy, some anti-biotics to prevent infection, and a cream medication. The vet tech explains that the cream is to be applied directly to the member 2x daily. Using her fingers to demonstrate, she shows us how to push back the skin to expose the penis and rub the cream on. Brent looks at me and says, “I’ll do the pills, you do the cream.”

That was the last time we had any boner problems with Gordo. He always was a little strange though. For example, he never mounted another dog to hump them. It was almost like he was too polite. He was just quietly hump the air next to the dog of interest. It was hilarious. We have many friends that would laugh out loud every time he did this.

The things we do for our damn dogs! Love you always Gordo. I hope you’re air humping in doggy heaven right now. 🙂

I’m a domestic goddess

My home an oiled machine

Just like Martha Stewart

Except I only cook, not clean

 

My house is never tidy

But I have happy kids

Laundry piles up

My tupperware- never lids!

 

We run around like maniacs

I cannot keep it straight

I never use my calendar

Too much on my plate

 

I love my kids and husband

Simple joys of motherhood

I rock heels with my diaper bag

I make moms look good!

 

I think my husband’s sexy

and he thinks I am too

I’m a mother AND a wife

Career? You know I do

 

I’m a domestic goddess

Like I previously said

The song said it best

Lady in the street; freak in the bed!