Weekly rant time! So, I was shopping today and saw a couple of bathing suits. I’ve been working out a lot lately, I lost some weight and thought I would give some bikinis a try. I know, I should know better by now, but I temporarily went crazy or something. Fast forward 15 minutes….. Depression.

Now I am a pretty confident chick. I feel really good about my ‘situation’ (I’m gesturing at all of me) 90% of the time. I’m not over weight, I have some muscles, I have boobs- so pretty good. In fact, you put me in a bra and underwear and I wouldn’t be embarrassed in public. I am no Marissa Miller, but you wouldn’t kick me out of bed. So why is it that you put me in the average bikini and I look the Michelin man?! Why do I look like a 30-year-old mother of two?! Oh, wait… 

The thing is I’m not that weird shaped. What do women with difficult bodies to dress do? I have big boobs, but what do women with REALLY big boobs do? Whatever, I quit. I wish I could turn heads like I did in highschool, but who am I kidding? I’m a one-peice kind of gal I guess.

But, why do they have the technology to make me look great in a bra, but not in a bikini top? Why are the cups on a size 14 too small? Why can they make underwear that looks good on me, but not a bikini bottom? Why can they put a man on the moon and a woman in your iPhone, but not make a bathing suit that fits?!

Bathing suits are so flimsy on top and so tight on the bottom. It’s like they are trying to make sure you could go down extreme-mega-waterslides and not lose your bottoms. Well, bathing suit designers, listen up. Some one needs to make a line that might not hold up on the high dive but doesn’t make your stomach look fat. I promise to just lay there and look pretty. You can even put a warning on the label, “Specifically designed for mothers who promise not to do any extreme sports. If you go tubing, you will lose your shit.” Thanks!