The Sex Window

First of all I would like to say sorry Mom. I am not used to the fact that I am a married grown up who has a mom that reads her blog (and a mother-in-law, and maybe an aunt or two, and neighbors, etc).

I don’t know about you, but this is a hot topic in my household. I introduced this concept to my husband a while ago for his benefit. I explained that most nights there is a ‘sex window’. By definition, the sex window is the small window of time that sex is actually a possibility. The window’s size is directly correlated to how busy the couple is, how many kids they have, and how wonderful the husband is behaving. So, like a said, a small window.

A good example is when you first get home, you’re not too tired yet, you just poured a glass of wine…. the window is open. After the kids go to bed, your husband may have a good 15 minutes to make his move before the window slams shut and everyone waits til Friday.

The Kinsey Institute says that approx 26% of (approx. 30 year old) married couples are having sex 2-3 times per week.

Ladies, imagine if your husband told you ‘no thanks’ half the time you asked. Poor guys.

I am a firm believer that we should all be having more sex. Now, this doesn’t mean that I always heed my own advice, but we really should. Every single doctor, sexpert, book, magazine, and random blogger like me says it– so why aren’t we doing it? We are tired, busy, in ruts, frustrated, and we don’t communicate. We all just got done reading 50 Shades of Grey, we are all in love with Christian Grey, and we all wish that we had that passion at home. Why can’t we?

So, here is my call to action. Let’s have more sex! Let’s have better sex! What is more important- America’s Got Talent, or a happy marriage? When the sex window is open, tell your husband. Better yet, make a move. Give the poor guy a break. He has probably initiated the last 34 times (except that one night after your friends wedding when you had 13 glasses of champaign- you know who you are).

Besides doing it more, we should do it better. Pour a bottle of wine, have a talk with your husband. Without me getting too weird, have an actual conversation about sex. If you are nervous, don’t be. He’ll love it and it’s your husband. Me and my husband were just talking about the sex window and he proposed new ‘Summer Hours’. Apparently day light savings time applies to sex as well.

Bottom line, you are the only thing standing in the way of a better sex life. Here’s you’re homework for the month: have sex 1 more time a week than you currently are. Tell your husband when the window in open. Have fun.

More On Christian!

 Okay, I feel like we need to talk about our obsession with Christian Grey. Obviously we are all swooning. Everywhere I go I hear women talking about Christian. (By the way, we are all now on a first name basis with Mr. Grey.) So, what is it that is fascinating all of us?

This man is self-admittedly ’50 shades of Fucked up’. So to say that he comes with a LOT of baggage is an understatement. He has treated women poorly his whole adult life. He has beaten and punished women (yes, I know it was consensual) and in exchange has provided them with gifts and cars and clothes. They had to follow a ridiculous set of rules and could never achieve a close and loving relationship. And, after he decided he was done, he would move on to another submissive. When I say it like this, he sounds horrible. No self-respecting female in the world thinks that sounds good. So, back to my original question: What is it about this man that is making us all crazy?!

Is it the money?: This might be a small part of it. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I mentally roll my eyes at Ana for being so reluctant to accept the lifestyle. “Oh, the house keeping and cooking and shopping is too much for you? Suck it up buttercup!” Who doesn’t want to vacation on giant yachts and have a second home in Colorado, etc etc etc. I think all women (even us feminists) dream of a man/partner that can provide this kind of life for us. This does NOT mean we can’t get there on our own, but deep down the life that Christian can provide sounds pretty darn good.

Is it the sex?: Okay, this is probably a big part of it. We all read the book and are enraptured by the passion in which these two ‘make love’. It’s like a dirty fairy tale- and they fucked happily ever after. But, beyond that, these two are doing things that most of us don’t do, don’t discuss, don’t try. Just like Ana, even some of the stuff that shocks us- intrigues us. Not to mention, the author describes Christian as a perfect physical specimen who has every possible skill a man would need.

So- to sum up so far an insanely rich man who is amazing and adventurous in bed who might also be the most handsome man on the planet. Check.

Is it because we all want to be the 1 girl that can save the man?: In my opinion this might be the biggest part yet. Don’t we all desire to be that one special someone that changes everything? They one girl that could make him change his ways. The one girl that can save him from his destructive lifestyle and turn him into the man we want. That is why we are attracted to ‘bad boys’. We want the adventure of the bad behavior and secretly we think that we are the one thing that he has been waiting for all this time.

Is it because we want to be loved that desperately?: Yes! Of course it is. I want to be loved the way he loves Ana. And, yes, I know it’s dysfunctional. I don’t care. I want a man to be obsessed with me! To think of me every second and to worry about my well-being.

Is it realistic- no. Does it matter- no. Even though this is fun to talk about, what we need to realize is that it’s fictional. This would not work for me- I am way too opinionated and competitive. I don’t think I have a submissive bone in my body. It doesn’t mean that I don’t also secretly love Christian (well I guess it’s not a secret any more). But, it sure makes for fun reading.

What about you? Why do you love Christian? What did I miss?