Tag Archive: consciousness


A Piece of Peace

I before E except after C…. Shit, I don’t know.

It has been a while since I have blogged. I’m not even sure why. I love to write. Blogging makes me happy, but sometimes I don’t make it a priority. Isn’t it funny how that happens sometimes? We go on autopilot. We begin to do things that are easy instead of what ‘fills our bucket’ (I learned that one from my son). Instead of turning off the TV and reading, it’s easier to watch re-runs of big bang theory. Instead of going to bed at a decent time, and working out in the morning, it’s easier to have 1-2 more drinks and say f-it.

I want to get off auto pilot. I don’t want to ‘get through the week’, I want to live my week. I want to design my week. I want to enjoy each and every week that makes up my one life. That feels powerful to say. It also feels scary. To be in control of my week, means that there is no one to blame but me when things do not go as planned or if I screw up. Is that why we are all afraid of creating our own destiny? If we actually try and then fail, what does that say?

I am not 100% sure why I share this with all of you. I guess I would love to create a little community of consciousness. A community of people that choose their actions, foods, health, thoughts, lives. A community of people who don’t get lost in drama triangles and living for show and hypocrisy. Maybe I share it as a way to get these thoughts out of my head and into the universe. I don’t need any more doubt or guilt in my head. I’d like to save that space for peace and wonder and love and learning.

I had a great moment this weekend when my daughter was off swinging on her tummy and my son was running thru the yard and I just soaked it all in. I tried to see the world like my kids would- with wonder and amazement. I stopped my son and said, ‘can you believe a few weeks ago, this yard was covered in snow?’ He said, ‘yeah and now it’s green grass with bugs and warm air’. I smiled and paused, taking a mental snap shot and then he says while walking away, ‘mom sure does like nature!’ Ha. I do. I sure do like nature. I sure do like moments like this too. Real moments of consciousness and presence. Moments not on autopilot. Moments not on my phone. Moments of living the life I want to live. I want some more of all that.

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big leapLately I have been trying to take 100% responsibility for my actions and what shows up in my life. This is just…silly-hard. I mean, you spend your life trying to figure out who and what is keeping you down…and then one day you realize that it’s yourself. If you truly believe that each individual on this earth is unique in their own way and has their own skill, vision, purpose, path, then you really need to think about what yours is and whether or not you are living up to your full potential. Whoa, tough.. I know. For some of you this may be very simple. Maybe you are a teacher and truly feel your purpose is to help children create their destiny. Maybe you’re a doctor and you are literally saving lives every day. Or, maybe you work in advertising selling processed cheese to the masses…. Maybe you have no idea what your purpose in this life is.

This, conveniently, brings me to my point. Are you living your best life? A full-filled life? A 100% conscious life that you have created? Maybe you are ‘good’ at your job, or you ‘like’ your job, but do you feel like it is your life’s purpose? You might be working in an area of competence or even excellence for yourself, but is it your area of ‘genius’? If not…. why?

This is not a very easy question to answer, and one that I am currently struggling with myself. I have a great job! I like my job! I help people feel better and take away their pain every day! But, I still feel a lacking. Why am I holding back?

This, conveniently, brings me to my next point. Am I self-sabotaging? Are you self-sabotaging?

A very enlightened fellow with an unfortunate name- Gay Hendricks- wrote a book called The Big Leap. (Very Roughly) It is about how we all have an upper limit of happiness and when we approach it we self-sabotage. For example, maybe you are trying to eat really healthy. You do great all week and then Saturday night you go out and have nachos, fried bacon and 8 beers. Or, maybe you have been trying to commit to a fitness plan and since you ate so bad on Saturday night and drank 8 beers, you aren’t feeling so hot on Sunday morning and skip the run. (Shut up! You don’t know me!)

The theory is that we all have a different comfort level with happiness and success, and when we get to that upper limit- if we don’t have the consciousness/awareness- we will f*ck it up. I know, for a fact, that I do this. Some times it looks like picking a fight with your husband about dishes when you know, damn-well, it’s not about the dishes.

I recommend the actual book because I am certainly not doing it justice. But, if nothing else, I can encourage you to at least consider the fact that you self-sabotage. Pay attention, you might surprise yourself. All of these things I keep talking about are all based on the same goal: trying to expand my own consciousness and create the life that I was meant to have. We can all do that! You have 100% control of your happiness and circumstance and peace of mind, you just need to realize it. I know that I am working on this very truth every damn day.

(I also recommend Life Visioning by Michael Bernard Beckwith, which is what I am currently reading, but will discuss another day.)