Tag Archive: dads

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Dear Dad at the grocery store,

Happy Columbus day! I am going to make a lot of assumptions in this letter because I don’t know your story, but I picked up a lot from eavesdropping on you and your…uh… energetic boys today at Jewel. I must say, I LOVE seeing men out with their children at the grocery store. You are all obviously capable, but this job is still done overwhelmingly by moms. The reason I love it is because I know that after you do it, you must appreciate your wife even more than you normally do. It is a thankless job for most mothers: managing the budget of how much you can spend, buying ‘healthy’ food that people are going to complain about, having to say ‘no’ over and over and over again down each aisle, getting stares from people that apparently have never been around children in their life and are probably wondering why they are always so damn loud….

Overall, though, I think you did a great job. Here were some of my favorite parts.


Dad: dang it guys, we just have to get through this and then I don’t care what you do for the rest of the day!


Boy 1: Dad, can we get this?! (holding up a box of some ridiculous cereal probably called ‘diabete-Os’)

Dad: No! Mom said we can’t get ANYTHING that is not on this list.


Boy 2: Hey, he hit me!

Dad: I couldn’t care less.


(out in the parking lost)

Dad: Stop being maniacs! I swear if you get hit by a car I’m going to keep walking.

End Scene

I guess I just wanted you to know that although the trip was rough on you, you made mine that much better. I also enjoyed seeing your appearance. You were not unlike a lot of moms I see at Target with their kids: messy hair, sweat pants, wild eyes, desperation seeping from your pores. Don’t worry, I am assuming it is back to work tomorrow for you and school for the boys. Your grocery shopping days are likely few and far between. Just remember that when your wife comes home from work- give her a big kiss and offer to rub her feet.



dad babyI was starting to think about Father’s Day and what men actually want and some random funny things were popping into my brain. I also noticed a theme: many of my ‘ideas’ were B-words. So, if you are still trying to think of things to get your husband* check out this list. Dad’s love their ‘#1 Dad’ mugs and their light up golf ties, but he might appreciate a couple from the list below too.

*These are for the father of your children, not YOUR father. I’m sure you could have figured that out yourself once you started reading.

1. Blackhawks- Okay, this may only work for men in Chicago but your husband would really appreciate a BH win on Saturday night. Not sure if you can make that happen, but think happy thoughts.

2. Bed- he wants to sleep in. Let him sleep until he can’t sleep anymore. Don’t wake him up by letting the kids spill cheerios on his lap. If you are going to wake him up early, I think we all know what needs to be involved…

3. Bacon- Preferably his breakfast will include bacon. Save the cholesterol lecture for another day.

4. Babies, but not too much- Of course he wants to see his babies, but not non-stop all day. He probably wants to spend some time away, or maybe just go to the bathroom by himself.

5. Balls- Let’s face it, men like to play with balls. Get your mind out of the gutter, I am referring to sports. Whether your husband likes golf or bowling or basketball or tennis- let him go play with his balls.

6. Beer- **FACT** Dad can start drinking at whatever time he sees fit on father’s day. If he wants to combine #6 Beer with #3 Bacon, he is allowed to on this one holy day.

7. BBQ- Give your man some steak or some pork shoulder or some bratwursts or some burgers! Meat-over-fire-good!

8. Baggo- I chose Baggo because it starts with a B but you can play whatever your husband likes: horseshoes, washers, beer pong (hey, another B)…

9. BJ’s- Yeah, okay, your mind is in the right place this time.