adirondack chairI had a little ‘AHA’ moment today while I was cleaning my outdoor patio set. The damn table needs to be cleaned a lot. It sits below two trees that are constantly dropping leaves, helicopters, sap, pine needles, etc. on it. Not to mention the damn birds that poop on my damn table. Brent was out front mowing the damn lawn and there was a lot more damn work to do. There’s a lot going on. In the last few weeks I have heard ourselves, our neighbors, our friends, and our family say ‘a home-owners work is never done’. It’s so true. Every time we finish something, there is something else that needs to be started. It’s daunting, it’s depressing….And then it hit me! My inner candysbrain voice chided me, “you know how f-ing lucky you are to have a home, let alone a patio set?!’ My brain sure told me.

The more I thought about it, the worse I felt for being such a whiner. Yes, it’s a lot of work, but we are so blessed to have what we have. We are so lucky to live in a nice home in a great neighborhood. I should be singing my praises while scrubbing my table instead of bitching. Not to mention that before we had this really nice patio set, we had a crappy plastic set that I hated. It was so ugly. How soon we forget right? It’s like you are so desperate for that next upgrade in life, we forget to open our eyes and realize what is sitting on our face.

We have some dear friends that just moved into their new gorgeous home this weekend. Of course, the market today is very different that it was 6 years ago. When I think about what we paid for our house compared to the deal that they likely got, it makes me ill. Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy for our friends and can’t wait to have many a play date in that house, but it is still hard when you start comparing. Why do we do that? Why do we feel the need to compare? There are a lot of people in our lives that are probably jealous of what we have too. I don’t remember where I heard this but I love the saying that we need to stop comparing our ‘behind the scenes’ to everyone else’s ‘highlight reel’. The grass is always fucking greener….(seriously though, the grass is always greener. How does everyone else have such nice lawns and ours is filled with weed and clover?…I digress)

I posted a while ago about filters and framing and how our relationship to everything that happens in our life can be perceived differently based on how we frame or filter. For example, I just got new Adirondack chairs. I have wanted them for a long time. If you have ever shopped around for these chairs you know that you can find them from $50 to $900 dollars and every where in between. The ones I got were much closer to $50 than $900! They need to be stained, and they aren’t as sturdy as I would like. I could focus on this, or I could focus on the fact that they are beautiful and they allow me to sit closely next to my husband who I adore and the fact that they hold my ass up out of the grass. Our brains are funny in that they can be trained. If you make the decision to be happy and to see the good, your brain will start to normally frame your thoughts toward the positive.

Which leads me to my next big diet! I am going on a new and experimental diet. A no-blaming, no-complaining, no-bitching-and-moaning diet. I am responsible for what shows up in my life. I am responsible for my thoughts, actions, re-actions, etc. I have control over how different situations affect me. This is called a shift-move and I am ready to shift. I am going to live in a space of gratitude and wonder and love and appreciation.

Want to join me? Seriously, do you think you could try living in a world where you are 100% responsible for your experience? 100%- no more, no less. Of course this doesn’t mean you won’t slip up now and again. We are human after all. But, can you attempt to change your consciousness to a place appreciation, accountability, wonder, and feeling your feelings without judgment (joy/anger/fear/sadness/sexual desire)? I know that I will struggle. It sounds so simple when you just type it out, but in the real world it is much more challenging. Well, I know that I will try. I know that I will fail occasionally. But, when I fail, I will try not to judge myself too harshly and re-commit. I hope you will come along for the ride.