Tag Archive: self improvement


Listen up b*tches

photo (13)Okay, I got your attention. I don’t really think you’re all b*tches…. But, I am about at my selfishness, non-sense, unaware of the world around you, entitled attitude limit for the year. I think I might lose my mind. This is like a diary entry I am sharing with the world because these thoughts have been consuming candysbrain for a long time now.

Have you noticed how the world seems to be spiraling out of control? The planet is dying, the people on the planet are starving or killing themselves or eachother, no one seems to give a shit about any of it, and we just keep buying the latest crap. One of the most hilarious headlines I’ve seen recently (I believe it was The Onion) was talking about some new cell phone that came in different designs/colors, etc. and they joked about ‘which color best represents my desperate need for attention?’. Nailed it.

“This sparkly pink cover will really pop in my next selfie!”

The point of this post is simply to say that we should focus a little less on ourselves and a little more on the rest of the world. A little less instagraming our dinner and a little more feeding the hungry. A little less talking and a little more listening and learning and reading. A little less sharing of opinions and a little more sharing of resources. Living in a society takes sacrifices; it always has. Sometimes you have a little more and so you give a little more. But it’s not about what you give or how much you give, it’s that you have the awareness to know that there are people out there besides yourself that could use a break. You know that you are not fundamentally better than they are. You know that some day you might need a hand and hope that someone will be there for you. You know that you are not kind to others because it gets you into heaven, but because it makes you feel good in your heart and soul to help another human being (or animal for that matter).

There is so much misdirected anger at the strangest things. People are angry because they have to press ONE button for English. One GD button! Talk about first world problems. People are angry at poor people. People are angry because a tiny portion of their income goes to making sure poor kids get at least 1 meal a day and the most basic health care.

This matters. Anger and hate and violence are contagious and I fear it is spreading through our world. Anger turns to hate which turns to violence and the tiniest little thing matters. But, the good news is- so is love and giving and sharing and compassion. The best way to ‘fight’ the hate in the world is to love more and bigger than ever before.

When is the last time you truly did something for someone else? Not your family. Not for your kids. But for a stranger, or a neighbor, or a charity? This is not asked to shame you. This is asked to hopefully inspire you. This is asked to be a wake-up call for those that need it.

I have been thinking about my own selfishness lately. Once you learn to recognize the behavior it is very easy to notice it, even when others don’t. I think we are all a little selfish and I don’t think that is necessarily a bad thing. I just know how lucky I am and have always been. I have never really had to ‘want’ for anything that I needed. So, how do I remain a happy modern women who appreciates nice things, and yet consistently think of others and help those that need help. I think it’s about finding the balance between giving so much you lose your identity and it’s to your own detriment vs. thinking only of yourself and being a detriment to society.

I feel like I need to do something big. Start a revolution or something. I don’t know what that looks like and who knows if anything I say will ever make a difference, but I want to try. Stay tuned because it’s coming.

In the meantime, I am curious…. What do you do to give back to your community? How do you teach this next ‘entitled’ generation what is really important? What types of conversations do you have with your kids so they know what kind of need is really out there? My daughter is too young, but my son is five. I want to start now so that he accepts this giving/caring/sacrificing as a part of his life. Any/all comments welcome.

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Time: It’s all in your head

timeWhere do you find the time?! If only I had enough time! There’s only so much time! Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Chances are you can’t get thru 1 day without hearing one of these statements, and likely, you’re saying them yourself. Well, maybe not that last one…. This is our reality. We live a short life, we have jam-packed schedules, more responsibilities than ever before, and we are freaking out man! We have more conveniences than we’ve had in the past (you can find an answer for anything on the palm-sized device you carry in your pocket), but we also have more distractions than ever before (you can waste an hour watching Vines or cat videos or reading self-important blogs…. hey!) And, at work they just keep piling it on you.

Big Bad Time just keeps ticking away. What a dick.

But, I’m a believer that time is all in our heads. Think about how your relationship with time changes depending on what you are doing. “Time flies when we are having fun”, right? That’s because we perceive time differently based on circumstances. Put me on the ledge of a building and 1 minute will feel like an eternity, but when I am writing, a half-hour could disappear in the blink of an eye. When I am on the ledge, I am resisting; I am wanting things to be different than they are; I’m suffering. Same thing with traffic, or a boring meeting, or music lectures in college. We are resisting what is showing up in our lives.

For the parents out there, this is also why you can’t walk a block without an older person threatening you with, “Enjoy every second, it will be over in the blink of an eye.” They perceive the time of parenting different because of their distance from it. They are remembering the highlights of parenting. They are looking back and condensing 20 years of work into the 90 second movie trailer. Let me tell you, the 15 minutes before my husband came home when I was on maternity leave felt like a million years. But, our week-long trip to Ocean City last summer was over in a flash.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what’s my point. What if I told you that you had enough time to do what ever you wanted? What if I told you that there’s always enough time? What if I told you that time doesn’t really exist anyway? Whoa, deep man. My point is, if we changed our relationship with time, we could stop suffering at the affect of time and therefore master time.

Here is my massive over-simplification:

Step 1: Live in consciousness. When you are staying present and you are having a happy moment, you won’t feel like you ‘missed-out’ on anything. You will know that you got everything you could out of that moment. Example, weekends are amazing but go by so fast. If you live in consciousness, and don’t get bogged down by energy drainers, ‘bad’ choices, time ‘wasters’, you won’t feel like you lost your weekend. It will still come to an end, but you won’t have the same feeling inside.

Step 2: Spend your time in a way that you choose. If you are actually choosing everything you do with your time, you won’t feel like you’re wasting it. We say yes to people all the time when we would rather say no, we mindlessly waste our time because we aren’t actively choosing. You be the decider. We lie to ourselves constantly about time. It is much easier to say ‘I don’t have time to work out’ than it is to say ‘I have time to work out, but instead I watch American Idol because it is easier and I’m afraid of actually trying to accomplish my goals because I might fail’. Ouch, I know….

Step 3: Stop resisting. If you could come to acceptance with a task or situation that you don’t want, it won’t have the same affect on you. Let’s say, you have a 45 min. commute to and from work. Every fricking day you sit there on your way home suffering. You bitch and moan and complain because it sucks. It’s a huge waste of time! But, what if you simply gave up the suffering? What if when you felt the rage building up, you acknowledged it, took a couple of breaths and loved yourself for feeling that way at that moment? What would happen? You would still be in traffic, but your relationship to the time spent in traffic will change. That shift might free your brain to focus on something else. Maybe you start planning your wife’s birthday party, or think of a great idea to share with your boss tomorrow. Next thing you know, you’re pulling in your driveway. I know it sounds pretty ‘out-there’ but it really does work.

This is a crazy idea to try to wrap my brain around. I still struggle to actually understand the concept. This is actually referred to as ‘Einstein Time’ based on his theory of relativity which basically says there is no such thing as time. I don’t begin for one second to understand physics or Einstein or how he figured all of this out. All I know is that since I was first exposed to this idea, it has changed my life. Here are some resources if you are interested in learning more.

I first heard of this concept through the book: The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. I have mentioned this book before. Highly recommend. http://www.thebigleap.net/

Here is a link to a youtube video. This guy explains it way better than I do. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xqmJgo-l6k

What do you think of all this? It sounds pretty crazy, right? I’m curious how many of you think it is non-sense and how many of you think we are on to something….

So I have week one done and under my belt. It was a great week! I had some challenges for sure, but still really excited about my journey. If you did not read the original challenge, check that out first and come back. Don’t worry, I’ll wait. http://wp.me/p2kXHK-6C

Full Disclosure: I am drinking a beer while I write this. I know, I am weak.

Date: 10/16/12

Weight: 148 (that’s right, down 2 pounds)

Thoughts/Opinions:

It was interesting going through the week. I was very task oriented, “I need to this, and I need to not do that…” I lost site a little about the purpose of this which is to be the best me I can be. I want to be the version of myself that I like the most. Somethings that I do get me closer to this (exercise, eating right) other things do NOT make me happy (not drinking for example). So for the next week I am going to focus more on my purpose in this process.

There is something about having a goal that can really change your brain. It gives you a sense of urgency, it holds you accountable, and it makes it easier on you. For example, I really didn’t feel like exercising one day and I said to myself, “Well, I have to. I said I would so I’m stuck. I have to.” Simple as that. So if you are reading this and you don’t have a goal, you need to make one/some. And it can’t just be ‘get in shape’. That goal sucks! You need to set a goal and then develop action steps along the way. It might look like:

Goal: Lose 15 pounds!

  • Start keeping food journal
  • Cut out soda (diet and regular)
  • Get a personal trainer for 1 month

You get the point. You have to have a plan.

Successes:

Well, I would consider losing 2 pounds a success! We’ll see how accurate that weight is after I weigh in again next week. I know weight can fluctuate from day to day (especially with women).

I got in my 3 work outs. One of them was running 3.5 miles on Saturday. That is my longest run yet! I was very proud of it. I also ran a sled hill tonight. I ran a lap (approx. 1/4 mile) then did the hill up and down twice, repeat 3 more X. It sucked, but I kind of liked it too.

We had our most successful shoe drive at my work to date! I found 8 pairs of shoes laying around our house to donate.

I did mostly good with my diet. I didn’t have any soda, and tried to eat well. I did make Beer Bread which I think breaks 2 rules (carbs and alcohol together- what is this? Christmas?)

And I cleaned my f-ing room! I felt like a little kid who couldn’t go out and play until they cleaned their room. Thankfully my husband helped so it took half the time.

 

 

I haven’t seen the top of this dresser in a long time!

 

 

 

 

I finished one of my books (Gone Girl- pretty good) and started a new one. I actually picked up a book about blogging! I will plow through that one.

Challenges:

I drank. We celebrated a big deal on Friday night for my husband and I had a couple cocktails. BUT- I only had two because I knew I had my big run the next day. And, obviously I am having a beer right now. I just told my neighbor tonight that I guess I don’t want to be skinny that bad! I think for me it will just need to be drinking like a responsible adult. Enough to unwind after a long week with my husband and enjoy our evening, but not enough to limit me the next day.

What’s to come?

I signed up for a 5K for this Saturday. My goal is to do it in under 32 min. Let me make this clear though- that is a goal! That will be difficult for me to do- so don’t hold your breath.

For giving back, I decided I am going to do a little promoting for some friends. More to come on this via blogging this week. Stay tuned!

 

Thanks to all of you have sent happy thoughts my way. I feel more like me already. Anybody feel like beginning their own journey to self improvement? Who’s coming with me????

 

It is Tuesday October 9th. I know that seems like a weird day for starting a month of improvement, but I’ve always thought the idea of ‘the diet starting Monday’ was dumb. When you decide you want to make a change, why wait? So, here I am on a random Tuesday making a commitment to the world. Ha, world. Yeah right. More like a commitment to the 75 people that may read this post.

Lately I have felt like a ‘light’ version of myself. And, let me tell you, I do not mean ‘light’ as in ‘skinny’. I mean like I am not living my full life to all it’s potential. I am here to break the cycle!

The point of all this is to try and do 30 days of the ‘best me’ that I can be. I will lay out my goals and ideas below. But first I want to lay down the ground rules/details. The end of my 30 days will be on Thursday November 8th. At that point I can go back to my old ways of procrastination, binge drinking, and stuffing my face with bread! I also committ to full-disclosure. I cannot promise I will perfect during this time- that is just crazy. But I can promise to be honest.

Full-Disclosure– I am eating a fun-size Snicker candy bar as I am writing this. 🙂

Here are my improvements for myself:

1. Diet: My diet has been a night-mare lately. Football season and a little extra stress has really taken a toll on my eating. I am getting back on the wagon (or is it off the wagon, I can never remember).

  • One soda per week- tops!
  • Big time decrease in carbs. I don’t support a no-carb diet, but I support everyone eating less of them than I do.
  • No bingeing on Sundays during football. Now this doesn’t mean I will not eat wings or spinach dip, it just means I’ll eat a helluva-lot less.
  • Stop eating when full. This will need to be something I remind myself of every night at dinner. I love to cook and I love to eat what I cook. I need to somehow convince myself that I will be satisfied with the dinner even if I don’t make myself sick by eating too much.

2. No drinking: Yes, you heard me correctly. No drinking. This will be very hard for me! Now normally I don’t think there is a problem with drinking a glass of wine every night, or having a couple drinks on the weeked. The reason I decided to do this is…

  • I am trying to lose weight and booze is full of empty calories
  • I am more likely to eat junk when I am drinking (i.e. the cheese puffs that disappeared on Saturday night; and again back to football Sundays)
  • I am less likely to work out if I drink. Hangovers really put a damper on my work out plans

3. Exercise: I will work out 3X per week! I had a little anxiety while I typed that. This will be very hard for me; I am pretty good at getting in 2 but 3 will be tough. I don’t have a gym membership, I have a full-time job, I have 2 kids, and it is getting cold outside. These are not excuses, these I hope will help prove the point that anyone can find time to workout. Or, I’ll crash and burn and give every woman in America the excuse they are looking for.

  • I want to try to run a 5k in the next 30 days, but haven’t figured out the logistics. Also, I really hate being cold.

4. Organization: I did not want to say something vague here like, “I will become more organized” because that literally means jack shit. I wanted to make it a measurable, actionable goal. So, I decided that I will organize 1 thing per week. Here is my schedule:

  • Week 1- Bedroom (My room is so crazy right now, I would literally not let my mother in there)
  • Week 2- Mail/papers/newspaper/coupon clutter. This is kind of spread out every where and will suck!

Full-disclosure: I started typing ‘furnace room’ which is our catch-all room, it’s like a big closet but it sounded way too hard and I don’t want to do it so I deleted it. Don’t judge, baby steps.

  • Week 3-Junk drawers (puke!)
  • Week 4- Kids rooms

5. Reading: I don’t know why I always fall of the horse when it comes to reading. I LOVE to read and I usually have a couple books waiting on my Kindle for me. I guess I get lazy and it’s easier to fall asleep to a re-run of Big Bang Theory than to pick up a book and use my brain. In the next 30 days I will finish the 2 books I am currently reading, and finish 1 more. I haven’t picked it yet but it will be a non-fiction based on my rotation system (I do Novel- Personal/Professional Development- Nonfiction).

6. Giving Back: This is really important to me and it makes me feel so good when I do it, but I lose track of it all the time. I want to really try to make a difference in other peoples lives over the next month. I don’t know what I am going to do yet for follow up weeks, but this week I am going to go through all of our shoes and pick some to donate. My work is doing a shoe drive right now and I want to get involved. I figure a household with 4 people should be able to easily donate 6 pairs of shoes.

Wom, I’m getting tired just thinking about that list! My goal is to post weekly on this topic. It will be like the format below.

Date: October 9th

Weight: 150 (I said full-disclosure, I still can’t believe I am sharing that but that’s how you make a change)

Thoughts/Opinions: I am half pumped to get moving and get improving, and I am half terrified I am going to fail miserably. I am half excited to share this with those of you who read this blog regularly and I am half worried that this topic will bore you.

Successes/Challenges: The challenges at this point are obvious. The success right now is that I am willing to address my weaknesses and that I am brave enough to share them with all of you. Yikes.