Tag Archive: women’s issues


When I say Girly Magazines I am referring to magazines like Cosmopolitan and Glamour, but also magazines like Maxim. They are screwing with our brains! I read the headlines of these magazines while I am in line at the grocery store and roll my eyes every time.

 

 

“14 Things Your Man Wishes You Would Do In Bed”

“How You Can Lose 2 Inches Off Your Waist By Saturday”

“What Kim Kardashian Likes In The Bedroom”

Here are the answers respectfully…..

-Blow Jobs (X14)

-Stop eating so much shit and move your ass

-Professional, rich, handsome athletes

Do we really need a magazine to tell us these things? Do we honestly believe these things?

Random Sex Advice: The inside of the elbow may be an erogenous zone with regards to nerve endings, but that doesn’t mean your boyfriend wants you to spend time there. I have said it before, I will say it again… It is not hard to please a man. He wants-

1. Sex (preferably more often)

2. BJ’s

3. A little enthusiasm (a little goes a long way)

I don’t think we need sexperts for this.

Fitness Advice: Now I do think there is a place for tips on what to eat, exercises to do, and the latest research. Absolutely! What is stupid are the headlines to get you to buy the magazine. There is no secret to weight loss, there is no new diet that has the answer, there is no way to dramatically change your body without hard work, discipline, and sweat. You will not lose a dress size by the weekend, you will not lose 7 pounds in 7 days (unless you are on the biggest loser).

Mens Magazines: I will admit, I do enjoy reading Maxim a little bit. It’s funny. However, it’s like the cosmo for men. What makes me laugh is the insight into the minds of hot celeb women. If you think for one second that what they say is really what they think, you’re crazy. These women are saying what they think men want to hear. It sells magazines, it maintains their sex symbol status. Maybe you guys need to spend less time looking at airbrushed celebrities that you could never get, and spend a little more time appreciating what you have in your wife/girlfriend. Bottom line, Eva Mendes is NOT going to sleep with you. Your wife might (if she’s reading 50 shades of grey).

I’m not slamming all magazines, or saying there is not good content occasionally. I actually hope I’ll be published in one some day. What I want us to do is to take it all with a grain of salt. Take what you can, ignore the bullshit, and don’t compare yourself to people who are professionally good-looking.

 

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I feel bad about my boobs

This is kind of a Nora Ephron themed blog. The late-great writer wrote a book called ‘I feel bad about my neck’. Well, I’m 30 so I feel okay about my neck, but I do have other issues.

1. I feel bad about my boobs: When did I become someone who buys bras at Kohl’s? You know those commercials with the 18 hour bras? That has some how become my life. Cute push up bras with lace? Yeah….those are adorable as I stand perfectly still in front of a mirror in the dressing room. Bend forward 30 degrees and I’m no longer IN the bra. It’s depressing. I walk around kind of wanting to punch high school girls in the face.

2. I feel bad about my stomach: Most of you moms out there can feel my pain here (those of you that can’t- can suck it). But, after you have a baby, your stomach just isn’t the same. Yes, I could work out like a maniac and eat perfect, but I would still have extra skin and stretch marks. My first kid was almost 10 pounds! The funny thing is though- I don’t ‘want a flat tummy more than anything!’ I really like beer. I really like bread. I really hate ab work. I’ll stick to wearing high-waisted jeans and wanting to punch high school girls in the face.

3. I feel bad about my maintenance: What I mean by this is the amount of maintenance it takes to look good. What happened to the days where I could wake up, brush my teeth, throw my hair in a pony-tail and look adorable? I’ll tell you- they’re long gone. Now I need to actually ‘do’ my hair, plan my outfits, rip hair out of my face, wear make-up, etc etc etc. It takes a lot of effort to look effortlessly chic!

4. I feel bad about my clothes: Shopping sucks. I am too old for Forever 21 and too young for Coldwater Creek. (By the way, if you are over 30, you are also too old for Forever 21.) I have to split my wardrobe between ‘work clothes’, ‘going out clothes’, ‘regular weekend casual clothes’. Who has enough money to dress all of their identities? I know who, f-ing high school girls! They only have one identity and that’s- skinny bitch. Remember when your parents bought all of your clothes? Remember when you were so skinny that you could go in any store and everything looked good on you? Remember when your biggest problem was whether or not your dad would let you wear that out?

Okay, obviously I have some issues with HS girls. I still remember a conversation that I had with my sister a couple years ago.

Brooke: I hate high school girls!

Me: Where did that come from?

Brooke: Why do HS girls get to be skinny? They’re SOOO stupid.

At a glance, this might sound mean. But, dig a little deeper and there is actually something we can learn from this. When you are in HS your body is probably the best it is going to get (if not HS, college and early 20’s). However, so many of us wished we were thinner, taller, had bigger boobs. If you were jealous of my boobs, I was probably jealous of your stomach. We didn’t appreciate it then, but we sure miss it now.

What does this say about how we will feel 20 years from now?

I might feel bad about my boobs now, but when I look back when I’m 50, I bet I’ll have a different perspective. Somehow, we need to find away to look in the mirror and concentrate on the good. Maybe we should make it a goal: every day spend 1 min. looking in the mirror and naming things we like about our selves. Now this doesn’t mean to ignore things that are unhealthy. But, if we can respect and appreciate what we have, it may change our whole outlook on our self-worth and confidence. And, that may be the jump start you need for a better life.

I don’t know. Either that or start punching high school girls (in the face).